Archive for the Video Category

I need to start journaling again

By on January 20, 2014

I am really glad I haven’t written in my journal since February 7, 2013. Kind of. I’m glad because so much of it consists of a record of James’ drinking, and did not and do not need to keep track of that. The last entry was about my dad; the first time I put down in writing that he was verbally abusive, and that I suffered because of it. I have now pretty much addressed all that, and am working on healing (and not perpetuating it).

With those 2 big things to deal with, I am glad I finally broke down (literally), and am getting treatment. I am also glad that Dr Garlick convinced me to continue taking happy pills with the half dose. In fact, I might even see about having him add a mild anti-anxiety since recurrent anxiety is as big an issue and the recurrent depression.

And here I am still putting my junk out on the blog. lol. Except not really. There are things that I’ve heard and read over the past few days that I really need to capture. But it’s not stuff that needs to be blogged. So why even mention it at all in a blog post? :dunno: I don’t know. I feel like writing, but I just don’t really have anything to say?

Anyway, I see my feelings doctor this evening. She’ll get a lot of the details. 🙂

This entry is filed under Life, Maniacal Monday, Ramble, Semi-confessional, Video. | 2 Comments

Learning empathy

By on January 17, 2014

Last week was kind of a rough week. By rough I mean busy. And as an aside, if you ever get desperate for entertainment, go spend a day in traffic court. Oh, my word. The only thing I will relay though, is James’ case is now over. The court was merciful with the DWI to the extent the judge could be, and for the next year, I am the only licensed driver in my household. What does that have to do with anything? More than one would think. The kids were bombarding me Sunday with their needs (aka wants), and I finally had to say, “Look. I know I am currently the only responsible person in our household. I can’t do everything for everybody. I can only do so much.” Given the awkward silence, I think maybe they got it, and they quit making demands. Well, until we got to Walmart anyway. 😉

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. (2 Corinthians 1:3-5, ESV)

I was profoundly moved last year when I attended an AA meeting. It more exemplified James 5:16 than I’ve ever seen in church. That was the final push I needed to finally start attending Al-Anon. It’s in Al-Anon where I see 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 in action. Not that I haven’t or don’t see it in church. I’ve just been more able to see it in targeted manner in Al-Anon. Because in many ways that’s what we do because while our individual circumstances are different, we can all understand what each other are going through. Those who have been in the program for a long time are a huge help to us newbies just by understanding and listening.

Over the post few years, I have slowly started first facing and then working through my childhood issues which are “Daddy issues.” I didn’t really realize to what extent I had been affected and why until I read Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp. I was able to identify the root of a lot of my issues and some of the root causes. And it is still on-going as I try to come to terms with them while also working through the issues of being married to an alcoholic and drug addict.

My life has been hard from an emotional standpoint, and it could have been so much worse. I have bounced back and forth between avoidance, suppression, and acting out. I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression for almost as long as I can remember. Sometimes all seems right in the world, and I feel great. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I want to run away and hide. Sometimes the pain and the darkness are so oppressive that I can barely function. Often there is nothing going on around me to match how I am feeling. This makes me wonder how much of my emotional turmoil is just delayed response.

I have done my share of questioning with why me. Why did that happen to me? Why do these things keep happening? But sometimes, I can look at myself and wonder why did God choose to redeem me. I know the choices I have made that I can’t blame on abuse. I know the things I’ve done that I can’t even attribute to peer pressure. I’ve been both the victim and the bully. God knows those things too. Jesus died because of those things. Yet He called me and redeemed me. And so I have a completely different view of the suffering I have and do endure that I did not bring on myself, as well as what I did. I can empathize.

I think empathy makes it much easier to show compassion. Therefore, I am able to see the crap I have had to deal with that I didn’t cause, while it sucked big time, has a greater purpose. And the crap I’ve had to deal with that was self-inflicted can also have a purpose for good.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:12-17, ESV)

And in all of the mess and pain and chaos, I can be thankful because it has forced me to rely on God instead of trying to push through on my own strength. One of the sayings in Al-Anon is “Let go and let God.” This is what I am learning much more slowly than I would like. But even in my deepest despair, I still can have hope. Not “I hope things get better,” because that is a really a wish. I have hope knowing that there will be a day when God Himself will wipe the tears from my eyes. And with the empathy and compassion I am being taught through my pain, I can pass this hope on to others.

This entry is filed under Faith, Life, Semi-confessional, Theological, Video. | 2 Comments

Funday Friday #29

By on January 3, 2014

This is going to be my last “Funday Friday” post. Probably. 😉 I’ve decided I am going to stop the whole attempt at theme day blogging and go back to how I was just writing what I wanted to write when I wanted to write. And if that means 2 months between posts, well, someone should tell me to blog something after about a week. I’m looking at you Molly. 🙂

It is so freaking cold outside!!! And I know Molly doesn’t want to hear about the cold here. Sorry Molz. 😉

I’ve been carbing up all week for tomorrow’s 15k. At least that is my excuse for all the tater tots I have consumed.

Amber earned her keep this morning.

CatvsCatreMouse

And she told Tiger (and everyone else) through a steady stream of growling that it was her mouse.

Have a great weekend, and I just might blog over the weekend. But don’t hold your breath. 😉

This entry is filed under Funday Friday, Photos, Video. | 4 Comments

Happy 2014

By on January 1, 2014

I for one am glad 2013 is over. On the other hand, 2014 might not be better as I may or may not have a job come March when the contract ends. But, contracts come, and contracts go, and it’s not like I haven’t been through a contract end before. It is completely out of my hands, and far above my pay grade. Ok, not that far, but I’m not involved so it’s far enough. 😉

The year ended pretty craptastically. I won’t go into details, but suffice to say, I made my first ever Al-Anon call last night. I don’t make phone calls either. But as I was soaking in epsom salts last night (and finally getting warm), I started reading my Al-Anon literature because I hadn’t in a month and a half. And I kept hearing, “Read your literature. Keep coming back.” Being New Year’s Eve, I wasn’t sure if they would have a normal meeting last night, so I called someone from the group to find out. They were having a New Year’s Eve party with the AA group, and I opted not to go for that since it had started half an hour before I made the call. But, hey. I called someone.

As I lay on the bed reading and petting Tiger (because he forces you to pet him), I decided to start thinking about how I had felt the last 2 or 3 weeks. I started feeling like I had gotten it. The peace I was desperate for. Then reality hit again. So I spent much of New Year’s Eve reading my Al-Anon literature after making that phone call. I didn’t find peace per se, but I did relax some. And I started thinking up some goals.

photo 1

1. Read my Al-Anon literature daily.

For reasons I already alluded to.

2. Get a sponsor in Al-Anon.

I’ve been using Petra for this. But, I’m side-stepping the program that way since she isn’t in Al-Anon.

3. Read through the Bible.

This is pretty much a standard goal, and I haven’t completed it the last 2 years. I finished the 2012 read through well into 2013, and it will still be a little while before I finish the 2013 read through. I pick a different translation each year. Last year was the ESV, and this year will be the NRSV with Apocrypha. I’ve never read the Apocrypha growing up Baptist.

4. Run 14 races.

First race Saturday.

5. Finish Jamie’s scarf.

Surely I can do this in a year. 😉

6. Join a life group at church.

Because as much as I harp about accountability (at least in my head), I should have some within my church. 😉

7. Finish all the books I’ve started.

photo 2

That isn’t even all of them. There is one more hard copy book that Petra gave me to read, and there are at least 2 and maybe 3 Kindle/Nook books I have started and haven’t finished.

8. Do the Winter Miles Challenge 2014.

I’m only doing the beginner because I know me. Also, the longest race I plan on doing this year is a 10 miler.

This is pretty much the extent that I want to list out goals for the year. Note that I didn’t list pushups. 😉

This entry is filed under Life, Reading, Running, Video. | 8 Comments

Maniacal Monday #29

By on December 30, 2013

I bought 2 new pairs of pants over the weekend. This morning I put on one of them thinking they were brown. They are purple. I’m not even the least bit mad. 😉

I am sick again. It’s the same crap as I had a couple of weeks ago so I guess the hubs and I are just passing it back and forth. Saturday felt like a hangover and it has gone downhill from there. And yes, I am guzzling water.

I made a little trip to Cary Friday that I didn’t really want to make. But, I got a pickup ordered for my acoustic guitar. Actually, 2 got ordered so I will have to take one back. :sigh: I picked up some stuff from Michaels which wasn’t really a bad experience. The line wasn’t real crazy. But, I walked into Old Navy, and turned around and walked back out because it WAS crazy. Then I went to JC Penney to get a new purse, which is how I ended up with new pants and bras. Because sales. Anyway, I get back home, and James came out, and then asked “What happened?” while pointing at the front of my car.

I broke my car. I looked up underneath the bumper and saw bunch of dead grass stuck, and then remembered a few days ago turning too soon out of the driveway and hitting the ditch a little. Guess it was a little more hit than I thought. 🙁

Despite the sick, I was determined to get my hair cut Saturday. Nothing big, just layered. I was tired, and as the lady was cutting, there were a couple of times I shut my eyes, and was on the verge of napping. I think if it had been a dude, I would have gone to sleep because men play with your hair way more than women. Anyway, got that all done and went on a shopping trip to Walmart because I just couldn’t see any way around it without going farther than I wanted to go and spending more than I wanted to spend. The north Chatham Walmart wasn’t all crazy, and it really wasn’t a bad trip at all.

A couple of weeks or so ago, I saw a giveaway on a blog for a necklace that I loved! I’m pretty sure since I have heard nothing, I didn’t win. However, I thought, “I can make that.” It took a lot of trips for chains and connecting rings, and finally some ingenuity, but I made a similar necklace. Also, I made about 5 other necklaces, and have an idea I’m toying around with in my head with regards to jewelry making. I have no pictures yet.

Sunday morning, I had a weird dream. I have lots of weird dreams, but there was a lot of things in this dream that overlapped even though they are not at all related. I had to return a lawn mower to Lowes. But this Lowes in my dream had like a park on the grounds, and the Bridges family were there picnicking. Specifically, Gerald & Bonnie, Joe & Karyn & kids, and Jerry & Deanna & kids. Oh, and I haven’t met Jerry & Deanna in real life. I pretty much know what prompted them all being in the dream, but not at a park at Lowes. Anyway, so I decided the lawn mower in question needed to be tested one more time before returning, so I went out to the highway shoulder to mow. There was a woman out there mowing and she stopped to help a passerby whose car was pulled over on the shoulder in front of her. I needed to ask her if it was ok if I mowed a little bit too, and she wouldn’t stop and let me ask her that real quick so I yelled at her and made her let me ask. And then I mowed anyway, and the mower worked fine. After waking up, I realized that rude woman was the Commissary manager at Tinker AFB when I was stationed there who ignored me when I tried to stop and ask her about formula. Apparently, I am still angry about that incident. lol

I was on the worship team schedule for Sunday, and got there early in the pouring down rain. I was chatting with Pastor Nate a little bit, and he spoke an email into his phone for later, and then said how nice it is that Siri takes those down for him like that. I mentioned that my Siri can’t understand me because either I slur my words, or mumble, or talk too hillbilly to it. That prompted him to ask where I am from originally. Told him Arkansas and he said, “Really? Where in Arkansas?” So I gave him the standard where Morrilton is before saying Morrilton. Because even Arkansans don’t know where Birdtown is unless they are from Conway County or related. Anyway, he said, “So about an hour away from Stuttgart?” Because Pastor Benji was in Stuttgart duck hunting. Small world. Bradford had to change the key of one of the songs. Was not a big deal since it was just a B to A, and I was able to do the chord changes pretty well since it was just 4 chords. I think I lost my place playing during every single song. Shawn said it all sounded great, so I guess I didn’t do too bad. 🙂 There was no afternoon service, and James was at Lee & Rachel’s for the afternoon, and I had a nice quiet house to myself for the afternoon. It was fantastic.

James cooked beans, but they didn’t get done until late, and I kept looking at a steak in the fridge and told him that it needed to be cooked or frozen soon. So he cooked it for me. He then said, that if it was too much that he would finish it off for me. I said, “Oh, I can take in a lot of meat.” And giggled. He said, “Yes, I know.” hahaha!

Last night, I was so worn out that I got in the bed at like 7. I was also cold and couldn’t get my feet warm, so that was another reason. Anyway, I was laying there reading, and my phone rang. After saying “What the heck” because no one calls my cell phone that late on a Sunday, I picked it up and it was Chad. So I answered with “Really?” He said something about Tumblr being blocked again, and I said “You could have just texted me.” Regardless, he didn’t know I was home. lol. And Tumblr was blocked again this morning even though I specifically allowed it multiple times, so I’m switching out AVG’s filter for NetNanny tonight.

This entry is filed under Family, Life, Maniacal Monday, Photos, Ramble, Video. | 6 Comments

Funday Friday #28

By on December 27, 2013

Another Christmas has come and gone. It started out pretty bad between me and Chad. He had a fit, I got my feelings hurt, I cried and fixed his new computer vowing never to buy him a new computer ever. But, he came and apologized, I hugged him, and all is well again. Well, at least until yesterday when I tried to download Windows 8.1 Pro. 😉 But with a new computer now in his room, he only comes out to feed. Just like Jamie. Her new computer. Ugh. I don’t understand how they can have the same models, same specs, same filters, and yet hers keeps blocking what I specifically unblocked. First world problems. 😉

Speaking of first world problems, I thought that again Christmas night as I attempted to put away the leftovers. I had more food than fridge space. And I ate so much that I thought I would bust, and looked about 7 months pregnant. I made a ham, dressing, gravy (from bacon grease), Granny’s fresh apple cake, and Aunt Betty Jewel’s easy fruit (blackberry) cobbler. I made James make the mashed potatoes because after peeling and coring apples, I had no desire to peel potatoes. The ham and potatoes turned out perfectly. Actually, so did the cobbler. I wasn’t sure about it because the recipe calls specifically for self-rising flour, and my gluten free all purpose flour is definitely not. More on it later. Anyway, I added about a teaspoon of baking powder, and it turned out just right. The dressing, though. I had some leftover cornbread, but needed another small pan. So, I made a pan of cornbread from scratch since I was out of cornbread mix. And this was where I forgot I needed to add baking powder. That pan of cornbread ended up about 5/8 in thick because all purpose flour – baking powder = no rise. :sigh: So parts of the dressing are a little dense. 😉 The gravy ended up all lumpy. Pretty sure that was because I had too much flour for the amount of grease. And the cake fell in the middle, and nearly burned around the edges, and while it did get done, it was so moist that it just falls apart. And I forgot the rolls which are STILL in the freezer being eaten right now by me with leftover ham. All that said, everything tasted fantastic!

With Chad all the way back in his room, we have embarked upon cleaning up the mess he made all over and around the downstairs PC & desk. I’m pretty sure I swept up and entire bag of goldfish. But I also found almost all of our missing forks. There was so much nasty. Sticky nasty. Soda can tabs all over the floor, and I think there were more of those tabs than there were goldfish. I’m also looking over at the coffee table and thinking that needs another clean off. :sigh:

I really need to pick up some things today, but the thought of going anywhere is so unappealing. The fact that we are low on coffee is even more unappealing though. And I have 3 free drinks from Starbucks that I need to redeem. Because free. 😉

Found my “missing” arch supports…in my Docs…which I also found. Haven’t found my missing boots yet, but I do need to clean the litter off of one pair that’s been on the front porch for 2 or 3 weeks. It is also time to break down and buy a new purse. :sigh:

My new favorite coffee mugs that benefit The Forsaken Children. I got one for Ethiopia and one for Senegal since I have friends serving in both countries.

Last night’s sunset. I was playing with the settings on my iPhone, and the one without any filtering turned out best.

I waste so much time watching the videos on this YouTube channel.

This entry is filed under Fail, Family, Funday Friday, Life, Photos, Ramble, Video. | 2 Comments

Maniacal Monday #28

By on December 23, 2013

Let me start off with a confession. I didn’t run this weekend. I was going to Saturday, but I slept in, and then we had to go to Lowes, and then I had some Christmas prep to do which took well into Sunday. Plus, it was pretty stinking hot for the weekend before Christmas. Mid 70’s? Really? So I was like “I’ll run Sunday morning because it is supposed to rain and it won’t seem so hot.” Right. It didn’t rain until after 6pm. Whatevs. I start leave tomorrow, and will have the rest of the week to run/bike whenever. 😉

Christmas shows. So, I have several DVDs and one VHS of my favorite Christmas cartoons/claymations. Every year I take the time to watch all of them, though usually not in one big marathon viewing (not that there are that many), and I’ve just been doing one here and there. Last night I watched Frosty the Snowman. Like you care. lol. Anyway, so I am watching it, and the whole thing is just so ridiculously bad. I had to stop myself from voicing my irritation with the whole thing on social media. And then I had to watch The Year Without a Santa Claus to purge. As if that premise of a story is any better. 😉

I woke up with hives this morning. Fun times. I think I went to bed with them, but I didn’t realize the full scope of the itching until I got up this morning. :-/

Friday night I took both kids to A.C. Moore. It was supposed to just be Jamie and to only get yarn. $130 later… 😮 Chad started an “argument” with me on the way back. He was on the offensive, and I was trying to explain my position without being a jerk, but it was hard because I kept getting frustrated with myself for not being able to clearly articulate what I wanted to say. Meanwhile, Jamie was in the backseat laughing at the exchange which ended so ridiculously and abruptly with Jamie almost choking on her food from laughing so hard. She said later, “No one wins when Chad argues.” lol

Speaking of Lowes, we got paint Saturday as James wants to go ahead and paint the living room. Finally. I’ve been bemoaning those gray walls since we bought the place. He also told me how he wants to decorate the house, and essentially, the living room is going to become a “formal” dining room, and the den/family room will be the living room. Lots of work with that, but a lot of it will be finishing what was started in the den/family room.

Apparently Amber isn’t pregnant. And I think Tiger is the one in heat because he seems to be after her much more than she is bawling. Why haven’t I gotten them fixed yet? :sigh: Also, someone pooped in the floor instead of the litter box during the night. Pretty sure that was KitKat.

And finally, here is a little Snow Miser and Head Miser. Because they make that show. 🙂

This entry is filed under Confessional, Life, Maniacal Monday, Ramble, Running, Video. | 2 Comments

Funday Friday #27

By on December 20, 2013

So there I was, minding my own business (for once – lol) at work, and a spider ran out from under my keyboard at me. I totally lost myself, and no longer have any rep left for being tough. The whole office said that was the fastest they have ever seen me move. At least I didn’t scream. 😉

I managed to keep my birthday a secret at work until I was walking out the door at the end of the day. I did tell one person that morning, and he kept it himself as he had promised. I have to thank Facebook for living up to Failbook yesterday so that I was just finishing up dinner before my cousin Sharon could wish me happy birthday. I knew she wouldn’t forget.

The graveyard_dead group on Instagram featured my photo of Uncle Hoover’s headstone this week.

James and I went to Shucker’s for my birthday dinner last night, so here are pics of the sunset and dinner.

This is really all I have unless I resort to complaining about my neck/shoulder/back pain. So here’s some Christmasy Judy Garland.

This entry is filed under Family, Funday Friday, Life, Photos, Ramble, Video. | 4 Comments

Maniacal Monday #27

By on December 9, 2013

I’m in a pretty craptastic mood (still), and actually spent yesterday evening looking forward to going to work.

I got up Saturday morning and ran the 12ks of Christmas. I mostly ran the whole thing. James called me right at the last mile and nearly threw me all off so I walked up that last hill while putting my phone back in the carrier case. But, I ran down the final stretch determined not to be dead last. lol. And I got the finisher’s medal, and most of the tribers waited on me to finish, and Nicole and George both gave me hugs which was just so sweet. My 1 picture was made when I finally got back to the car.

15-ReindeerRun12k

Oh, and I am still tremendously sore. :sigh:

George invited me to a race on Facebook, and I thought it looked interesting and invited Karyn also just because. Well, she will actually be in town, and so we are both registered for the Morrow Mountain Trail Race 15K which we may or may not end up regretting. And on that note, I think we both signed up for 14 in 2014. I did anyway, and I think Karyn is going to if she hasn’t already. I don’t plan on running anything longer than the Tar Heel 10 Miler, and that one only because I signed up for it last year. Because finisher’s medal. 😉

And the broken out window in the living room finally got fixed. It’s not completely fixed, but the panes are in place and just need to be caulked in. But it didn’t happen before tragedy struck. Sushi/Mako somehow got out of it, and the dogs made short work of ending her life. :wail:

RIP Sushi/Mako

RIP Sushi/Mako

I got caught up on grading this weekend, and got the kids’ work graded, mostly recorded, and new schedules made. There was one portion of Jamie’s Algebra II that I reassigned with “We will go over this together,” because she 1) didn’t seem to get it and 2) had a big “help” written on one of the assignments.

So, I went to YouTube looking for a Fleetwood Mac’s Oh Well, and found this.

This entry is filed under Adventures in Homeschooling, Exercise, Fail, Life, LinkWhoring, Maniacal Monday, Photos, Ramble, Running, Sad, Video. | 2 Comments

Funday Friday #26

By on December 6, 2013

This has been an interesting week. Pretty sure I could have slept 24×7 all week. I’ve also been in a pretty cynical mood overall. And in pain. There might be a correlation.

I got my new running shoes!!

I couldn’t wait and put those bad boys on while still in my work clothes and did a sprint down the driveway and back. Thought I would die! Walked back in the house gasping, and James was like “What’s wrong?” Because he didn’t notice I had the new shoes on and thought that something was after me while he sat there engrossed with whatever he was watching on TV.

I started soaking in epsom salt this week because 1) to help get some magnesium intake without actually taking it and 2) I just like soaking in a tub of really warm water, especially around that time of the month. Only thing missing was wine to accompany the tub soak. Anywho, I had kind of a belly ache Wednesday. I thought nothing out of it since, like I said, that time of the month. Plus, I have been glutened multiple times over the last couple of weeks, and that always results in some significant intestinal cramping. So after trying out my new running shoes, I went upstairs and started running the bath. Put the epsom salt in, and got undressed. Before I got in the tub, or even to the tub, I decided that some gas needed to go. And that’s when I learned that when you have had some significant belly cramping never trust a fart. Oh.My.Word. Last time I had an incident like that I was 9 years old and KNEW I had diarrhea, and just couldn’t get to a bathroom in time. #everybodypoops

Speaking of running, I am running the Reindeer Run 12k tomorrow morning. Running may include walking or crawling so I can finish and get the finisher’s medal. 😉 70% chance of rain. 🙁

I pulled out my old band jacket today and wore it to work showing my support for my old alma mater playing for state championship. It caused some laughing with “I can’t believe you still have that!” Like they don’t know I’m a hoarder. lol. Had it occurred to me, I would be wearing my class ring too. 😉 I saw on Facebook that the championship game has been postponed from tomorrow until the 14th because of bad weather. And on that note, Carrie won the snow game yesterday which I called one of the AR cousins winning even though Jill is in the lead for wins so far this year. I am sure to lose all the time now since it will take a nor’easter for me to beat Jill now. 🙂

Chad put the tree up yesterday. Just the tree. It’s a little crooked and the lights are plugged in the wrong order, but it’s out of the box. I might actually put some more stuff on it now. I guess at some point I need to find out what was done with the outside lights and put those back up. I really dislike putting those up, but I really love looking at them.

This is pretty stinking funny.

This entry is filed under Fail, Funday Friday, Running, Video. | 2 Comments

« Newer Entries
Older Entries »