Archive for the Family Category

Weep with those who weep

By on December 18, 2012

My heart shattered with one phone call. As soon as Brenda started talking, I knew it was bad news. Really bad news. “There’s been another accident…”

Rescue squad member killed in Conway County vehicle crash

I have a feeling I was the first person Brenda called after she found out, and I felt so inadequate. I mean, I know there is nothing I can say or do to ease the pain, but I want to. For the whole family.

I grieve with them. I spent nearly as much time at the Whitbey’s house when I was in high school as I did my own. They became a second family, and I called Rita & Bill “Mom and Dad” as if they were my parents, too. Brenda and her siblings are like my own, except I am an only child so my siblings are friends siblings. But that didn’t really apply to Kevin since we dated off and on, so there was a whole different dynamic to that relationship.

He was the second classmate lost in just a couple days. Our class has been hard hit even before we graduated with accidents, suicide, and even murder. But this is the first within our tight group of friends. We had friendships that spanned different groups, but yet we had a core group of 10-15 people who met together before school and during lunch to hang out, and in smaller little groups on weekends based on work schedules. I’ve mourned each classmate lost, and sometimes with wishing I had known them better. None have hurt like this.

I ask that you pray for his family. His parents who have lost their son. His sisters and brother who have lost their big brother. His grandmother who has lost a grandson. His children and grandchildren who have lost their loving dad and grandpa. For his uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews, and cousins. For his friends, who are many, and have lost a kind and caring friend.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
(Romans 12:15 ESV)

This entry is filed under Family, Life, Sad. | 6 Comments

What I am thankful for

By on November 21, 2012

I guess since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I should write a post about what I am thankful for. I’ve struggled all week to write something, and I don’t know why it never occurred to me to write about Thanksgiving. Well, actually, that isn’t entirely true. It’s hard to be thankful when you are sick and have a pulled muscle and you want to wallow in self-pity. 😉

Lots of folks have been posting as their daily status on Facebook something that they are thankful for. I guess it’s supposed to be done for each day of November. Half the time, I don’t even post a status anymore. But I digress, and am already getting off topic.

This year I am thankful for the trials I have been through for about the past 5 years. One normally isn’t thankful for having their dad die, their mom to be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, 2 back-to-back job problems, 2 teenagers with issues (likely stemming from their parent’s issues), and an alcoholic spouse who had to go to rehab. Who in their right mind would be thankful for stuff like that? Let me tell you, each and every one of those situations sucked big time! There have been times that I wanted to just run away, and times (like late last year) that I was so depressed that I wanted to die. (Note: I was not suicidal. There is a BIG difference.) But each of these things in their own unique ways brought about much needed changes in my life.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. (James 1:2-3 ESV)

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12 ESV)

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 1:6-7 ESV)

Each of the events increasingly broke down my emotional barriers and showed how much of my life I had spent controlling or avoiding situations around me in order to keep the barriers up and to fortify them. Little by little, and painfully the control issues, the emotional stuffing, and what I thought was long buried insecurity all busted out and tore me down to a state much like I was as a pre-teen. Broken and undone. But this time around, I couldn’t just go through the motions and perform like I was so (in my mind anyway) adept at as a kid. Daddy didn’t set his affairs in order before he died because he was a control freak. Yeah, that would be where I get it. Mom started showing signs of Alzheimer’s soon after Daddy’s stroke, but even more so when he died. I still had to work. I couldn’t check out from parenting. And I couldn’t check out from my marriage. I couldn’t just cope with all these issues; I had to actually work through them. Oh, and also during this time, I had a LOT of sin to face and repent of that I had fallen into while wrapped up in my self-righteousness.

In my brokenness, I had only one place to turn, and that was to God. The worse things got, the more I was driven to him, and that is why I am thankful for the trials. I learned after many many years to actually trust God. I learned to open up to close friends about my struggles so they could pray for me and help me through them. So, yeah, I am thankful for the trials that are beginning to get me out of self-reliance and into God-reliance.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7 ESV)

This entry is filed under Confessional, Faith, Family, Life. | 4 Comments

Random Randomness

By on November 1, 2012

1. I am running my first half marathon Sunday with veteran marathoner Karyn. We drove the route last Sunday afternoon. The first 6 miles are going to suck.

2. I have run 340.76 miles this year…so far. Petra asked me last Friday night if I was running Saturday, and I said, “Yeah, but it’s only 6 miles.” Then I realized what I just said and followed up with “I can’t believe those words just came out of my mouth.”

3. Part of the conversation with Petra was about how crappy we’ve been eating lately and how crappy we feel because of our diets. So, starting Monday, I’m going to attempt to go vegan again. And because of me she can no longer eat hotdogs. lol

4. I am so ready for the election to be over with. I am so sick of the ads. Every year I get more and more sick of them. You know, with all the millions (or is it billions) that were spent on advertising, a lot of the poor could be fed – by each side.

5. I still don’t know how many kittens Spot had, but they are under the non-functional wet bar. Technically, I could just pull up the sink (since it isn’t fastened down) and count. But that area is like another closet where we just stuff things quickly to get it out of the way instead of putting it away (or throwing it away), so it would turn into a place to clean.

6. Have watched part of 2 episodes of Survivor this season for the first time…ever. I swore never to watch that show because in general I cannot stand “reality” shows. But, Blair…lol

7. Tuesday was our 19 year anniversary. 19 years. Wow. Where has the time gone?

8. The hubster took the kids trick or treating last night. I did not get a single picture. 🙁 I did, however, pay a large price for clothing items for their costumes. :-/

9. So I was booking it at the end of my run last night and thinking how great it felt and wishing I could feel like that for the first 2 miles, and then I realized that that was only the 3rd lap. I still had one more to go, and it was getting dark quick. Suffice to say, I maintained or maybe exceeded that pace for the remaining lap and a half (by lap, I am talking 1 circle around campus which is .94 miles) because it was dark and I was scared that werewolves were going to come out of the woods and eat me. Ok, I wasn’t really afraid of werewolves, but anybody could have stepped out of the woods and I’d have been done. Fear is a great motivator for speed. 😉

10. The hubster has a done a FANTASTIC job of cleaning up around the house since he’s been back. Aside from the upstairs rooms, I am no longer embarrassed to have someone come over to the house.

This entry is filed under Diet, Exercise, Family, Life, Ramble, Rant. | 2 Comments

Have a peek into my life

By on October 23, 2012

I know I have certain days set aside for certain topics, but, yeah. That really didn’t work out so well. Really it didn’t work out at all when I wasn’t blogging for the past month. But anyway, I guess it’s time to spill the beans about why I wasn’t blogging at all for a month, and not really so regularly over the past couple years or so.

The day after Labor Day, I drove my husband to a 65-day treatment facility for alcohol and drug abuse. He had started drinking again about 2 years ago, and it steadily progressed to the point where he was drinking heavily 5 or 6 days a week while denying it was heavy drinking and/or that he was really drunk. Also during this 2 year period I nagged him about it, fought with him over it, and threatened divorce. None of my tactics worked on him, and none of his denial and manipulation worked on me. All the while the kids retreated to their rooms attempting to block out the dysfunction around them.

In the meantime, we were all going through the motions, and putting on the masks of pretending nothing was wrong. He was leading a ministry and a small group at church, and I was standing up helping to lead singing every Sunday morning and many Sunday nights. Everything looked “normal” and “good” from the outside. But we were a mess.

I prayed and prayed, and was mostly left with silence and no change. I asked, “How much is enough?” The abbreviated answer was my wedding vow – “Til death.” Yet I still could not stop wanting a divorce, and finally had to share the full answer I got with 4 friends when I asked them to pray and hold me accountable. That’s when the voice telling me to push for divorce ceased. Not because of my prayer, but my friends’ prayers.

Gradually the fighting between us ceased, though each of us continued to hold our ground, and then the secret came out. He got drunk and took a sleeping pill and I couldn’t get him all the way awake so that he could make it to the Bible study he was leading. There I was left with spilling the beans to 2 couples why he wasn’t there, and what had been going on. I narc’ed him out, and it sucked. But, it didn’t suck near as bad as covering up the problem. He was confronted, held accountable, and rightly disciplined by being removed from leadership and teaching positions.

Still, he dug in, and finally decided he was going to confront back and argue his case. This put me in a very difficult spot as I neither agreed with nor supported his position, and prepared for opposing him publicly. But when we went to this meeting he called, instead of defending himself and fighting his position, he confessed everything and announced that he was going to rehab because he was not in control of his drinking. It was in control of him. We found a place, got him all set, and off he went. He only did about a month of the 65 days, but he came home a different man than I dropped off.

There will be more follow up to this, but in the meantime, here is the testimony the hubby gave at church this past Sunday. The audio is bad because he spoke without a mic and I recorded it with my iPhone, but I’m sharing it anyway.

This entry is filed under Confessional, Family, Life. | 12 Comments

Back to school

By on August 27, 2012

So today is the first day of school for my kids. Who almost forgot about that this morning as she kept hitting her snooze? Yeah, so it was 5:06 when I hit the snooze the last time and before I drifted back off into another 9 min of blissful dreamland, the thought shot through my brain like a second alarm. “First day of school. Get UP!” Because now that they are both in high school, they both have to be up and out the door crazy early which means my entire morning routine has to change. No more fartin’ around until 5:30 to get in the shower. Nope. Shower by 5, kids up by 5:30.

Chad had freshman orientation last week, and I had to drop him off because the buses didn’t run that morning, only for the ride home. I didn’t have a meltdown even though I was dropping my BABY off at high school. But, as I told Molly, it would be a different story when they both got on the bus this morning. Seriously. I didn’t have a meltdown when Jamie started kindergarten because I just dropped her off at daycare like normal and they walked her to school. Now when she started first grade and I watched her get on the bus the first time, yeah, I cried. When Chad first got on that bus to start kindergarten, I cried. Ditto for when each of them started middle school, and when Jamie started high school. But it was when they got on the bus.

Anyway, got Jamie up (Chad was up already), and Chad reminded me I hadn’t filled out the form for the laptop. Handed that to him and he asked about lunch money. 2 checks later, and I’m really glad I didn’t hit the snooze any more. I winced and moaned and half-howled down the stairs (reason here), and proceeded to the kitchen to fix some breakfast. What happened first, though, was that I made a mess. Thankfully, it was only about a tablespoon of quinoa that hit the floor. :sigh: So I was dealing with that when the kids headed out. Good thing they walked out when they did because the bus ran like 2 min later. It was still darkish so I didn’t see them getting on the bus. Therefore, meltdown avoided because I was sweeping up my mess in the kitchen.

So, both my kids are in high school now, or rather I should say both of my BABIES are in high school. You know, because they love it when I refer to them as “my babies.” haha! But seriously, when did this happen?!?! Anyway, I am glad school has started again and that they will have some structure again where they actually sleep at night again.

I’m not spell/grammar checking. Don’t judge me…

This entry is filed under Family, Life, Maniacal Monday. | 10 Comments

I embarrass my kids

By on August 8, 2012

I was ready to run last night. That’s what got this whole thing started. It was tribe run night, and I changed into my running clothes before I left work because I was going to run. But there was a reason that I posted on Facebook, “Maybe I should lay off the salsa for a while…” Anyway, my digestion is incidental. Chad informed me that he “needed” more lemonade. I needed bananas, so he was in luck. But the conversation at some point turned to being embarrassed to be with me (obviously he is willing to endure it to get what he wants). I chuckled and asked him to elaborate. “You sing.” Now I’m laughing. “You mean out loud in the store, or in general.” He said “In general,” so that means I will be singing a lot more often now. hahaha

But he wasn’t done. Then he started in on my attire which was according to him “Not enough clothes.” As I said before, I was dressed to run. Obnoxiously dressed, but dressed to run nonetheless. Yellow/blue shorts, bright sun-yellow yellow thin tank. According to him, they are short-shorts. To me, short-shorts are a lot closer to Daisy Dukes than what I was wearing. But anyway, I wore that to Food Lion, and he is still going on about my lack of clothes even though I told him they are used to seeing me dressed like that on Tuesday nights. I paid for it though, because I got cold…visibly…

So now I drift from that point, and go off on a tangent. I think that will be my new blogging style – start with a topic and then delve off to something fairly unrelated. Anyway, before we could get out of the house, Chad decided to tell me that I smelled bad…”like Evie’s butt.” That was not nice, and especially not nice considering there’s no telling how long it’s been since he has showered. But I digress. I did a quick smell check, and quickly determined that my deodorant was no longer doing it’s job. This is what happens when you give up the aluminum antiperspirants with artificial fragrance. And I was on the 3rd brand of “natural” deodorant. So that was it. I was going to find a recipe for homemade deodorant.

I just blindly Googled, and one of the top hits was by Crunchy Betty, who just happens to be one of the bloggers I read. I went with her first deodorant recipe because it is crazy easy and I already had all the ingredients (cornstarch, not arrowroot powder, and opted not to add tea tree oil…this time). It smells like food. Now granted, you would have to actually like coconut to want to taste it, but even if you do, let me advise you, it smells WAY better than it tastes. Yes, I have issues.

So today is day 1 using the homemade deodorant, and (if I remember) I will give my review of it in a week or 2.

This entry is filed under Fail, Family, Life, LinkWhoring, Ramble, Wholesome Wednesday. | 12 Comments

Maniacal Monday #10

By on July 2, 2012

I intended to write a post on Friday, but I didn’t get any farther than starting a draft containing nothing but a YouTube video. I had a cup of coffee that afternoon, which turned out to be a mistake. I need to either get back on coffee full time, or quit it altogether. Or, since I just reloaded my Starbucks card, get tea.

Saturday was a pretty good day, despite the heat. I got up early to run because I knew it would be too hot anytime later, and ran my best time since basic training. The hubster and I went to Southern Pines so I could visually check out the 5k route (which will be partially uphill – ugh!), and since were were there and Petra had so highly recommended it, we stopped and got bison burgers from Nature’s Own. Her description didn’t do justice to the taste, though it turns out she had censored her description. 😉 After we got back home we did some ac swapping around because the unit in our br just wasn’t keeping it cool, and my office and Chad’s br were ovens. Before the hubby finally got to go to bed (he works nights), we had our best talk ever, while Jamie waited impatiently for me to take her out for sushi. I got a really good watermelon at HT, and we went to Dick’s to get Jamie some obnoxiously loud knee-high socks.

Sunday’s are always so busy…for me. It’s ok, it’s just not a restful day which is why I hate Mondays so bad. Monday is my crash day, but unfortunately, I still have to work. Anyway, we had a deacon ordination service, which I had never seen. I was in the nursery when Joe was ordained, and never ever saw a single one in any of the churches I grew up in. It was really cool to be a part of it.

Then Petra drew me into another Fb wall post “controversy.” When I first read the exchange, I was speechless. But, of course, not for long and I inserted my 2&#162, and it eventually went downhill before her husband put the matter to rest quite well. I may or may not blog about it this week. Last night I was fired up and ready, but today…not so much. I’d rather take a nap, which won’t happen because…

…I left my badge & cac at home this morning, and did not realize it until I was 10 min from work. So instead of a 45min to an hour drive in, I had a 2.5 hour drive because, yes, I went back home to get them.

This entry is filed under Fail, Family, Maniacal Monday, Ramble, Running. | 8 Comments

Settling back into normal

By on June 27, 2012

My mom turned 80 a week ago, and I flew home over the weekend to attend her birthday party hosted by one of my cousins. Great food, cousins I hadn’t seen in YEARS. My poor kids were overwhelmed by all the family who they didn’t know, but who knew them. I did not take a single picture, and I am waiting for someone to either email some out or post on Facebook. I would poke at them to do so if I could remember who was taking them. lol Just for the record, I have broken another one of my rules. I always said, “The DragonLady doesn’t get on a plane sober,” but I did going and coming. I wasn’t at all comfortable, but I was sober.

I got up and ran 5K Saturday morning from my mom’s. That was the craziest run I have had so far. I was fine running down to Uncle Fred & Aunt Becky’s, and I was fine running to the old school, but from that point on, every time I ran uphill, I thought I was going to poop. (That’s your TMI for today.) I mean, it was crazy, and I didn’t think I would ever get that last 400 meters done. Pretty sure the chick on Nike+ said “100 meters left” twice. And once I was done, I couldn’t go. Weird.

I lost 3 pounds during week 1 of Jess’s Marathon Weight Loss Challenge.

It probably would have been more had it not been for the birthday party, and that moment of weakness when I drank a Dr. Pepper. But, it’s all good because I met my 3rd milestone and went under 180. I began reading Eat to Live since my doctor “prescribed” it 3 or 4 years ago. So far it is reinforcing everything I have researched and fell upon since going gluten free and then going natural(ish).

After waking up sick yesterday morning, I ended up calling in and went back to bed and slept until 10:30am. I think maybe I was just exhausted and dehydrated because when I got up that second time, I ate and drank a bunch of water, and then felt fine by 3pm. So about 7, I decided I could try a run, and I ran 4.55 miles. I probably could have run farther, but I told the kids before I left that it shouldn’t take me more than an hour. The first mile felt good, I wanted to quit the entire second mile, I wanted to quit for half of the 3rd mile, and then I just kept telling myself that I could make it back to the church. Once there, I told myself I could make it to the 4 mile mark, and at that point I was confident I could make it home. I was feeling real good once I made it back.

And I am now training for the half marathon in November. Karyn sent me the 20 week training plan she is following, which this would be week 19 and I’ve not been exact, and still won’t be since I have a 5k next week, but it will be ok. I think.

This was stuck in my head nearly all day Monday…

This entry is filed under Diet, Exercise, Family, Life, LinkWhoring, Ramble, Reading, Running, Video. | 2 Comments

My little artist

By on February 12, 2012

Not that she is little anymore.

I asked Jamie to draw me a purple dragon. Because I finally found a theme I am happy with and can customize to my liking…enough. She brought me the sketch tonight, and will be coloring it in next weekend when I give her laptop back.

I can’t wait until she finishes it.

This entry is filed under Family. | 2 Comments

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