In which I hit publish before determining a title

I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t try to blog with a headache coming on and with brain fog. Especially when it’s “Theological Thursday” and I have no topic in mind yet. lol But, heck, when has that ever stopped me.

I had my second session of counseling yesterday. I don’t know if it’s the “happy pills” or the Al-Anon or the increased running, but I noticed I was feeling a lot better emotionally as if everything is ok. Which it’s not. I’m still sleeping like crap, and I woke up sick this morning, but this sick is probably diet related since I also ate like crap yesterday evening. Anyway, I felt more relaxed, and maybe because I did the verbal vomit on her last time. haha

I also noticed something last week that I do that I didn’t used to do. I shared it at an Al-Anon meeting last week. I know everyone has an internal dialog going on much of the time. I’ve always had one and can remember I time when I would have it out loud. I only did that when I was alone (or thought I was), but after getting busted a couple of times, I worked on that. Although I still get called out by my family for hand gesturing when it gets intense in my head. Case in point, Jamie said to me over the weekend, “Stop thinking with your hands.” lol But I digress. What I have been doing more often over the past few years is having arguments in my head. So there is an all too often mental conflict going which tells me I am pretty bitter about some things that are unresolved.


I read that yesterday and did a little bit of connecting the dots. There has been some kind of chaos going on for so long, and I just suppressed it like I did when I was a kid. But it’s all in there lashing out in my internal dialog. And when I indulge it, I open myself up to demonic attack. I know that sounds out there, but it is what it is. But my demonic encounters are a post for another day.

Finishing this thought will be for another day too in another post.

14 Responses to 'In which I hit publish before determining a title'

  1. Opal says:

    I couldn’t help but laugh since I do the internal dialogue thing also. Occasionally I’ve talked out loud while working things out. My daughter is used to it by now.
    A few weeks ago, I wasn’t sleeping that well. I normally don’t get a lot of sleep and my body actually likes that. I’m usually up around 3:30, but this was insane I was awaking at a little after 1:00 a.m. and my body wasn’t refreshed like it is when I awaken at 3:30. In my case, I do think it was tied to candida (read that could be one of the symptoms) since it went away once I got aggressive about expelling candida from my body.

    • DragonLady says:

      lol! The ones I have with myself aren’t such a problem. It’s the ones I have in my head with other people who, of course, aren’t really there. 😉
      Hmm. I’ve always had trouble falling asleep, but I would stay asleep. Now I don’t have trouble falling asleep (though I don’t go to sleep right away), but I wake up multiple times. I am leaning more towards a stress response because I find myself physically tensing up a lot even when there isn’t some conflict going on either external or (consciously) internal. :dunno:

      • Opal says:

        We are alike in many ways it seems… I used to have a lot of problems falling asleep too, and now not so much. Oh yeah, the other people talking can be a problem. Sometimes, I wish they’d shut up! I need to get a word in too! 😉 I’ve finally been able to relax so tensing up (now) isn’t an issue. I’m a lot like my dad now in that regards, a laid back ‘cool cat.’ 😉

  2. Arguing in your head with people that aren’t there? I do that all the time,and apparently, I look completely hacked off when I’m doing it. People say, “What’s wrong?”

    “Nothing. I’m arguing with people who aren’t there.”


    The thing is,there are at least two ways to do this: one is to do what I usually do, that is, indulge in point-counterpoint reasoning with my imaginary opponent. The other is to just fight with someone I’m hacked at but can’t take it out on.

    The first is productive. It’s how I write, how I reason things out in my head, look for weaknesses in argumentation.

    The second is not productive and just feeds any existing anger.

    Demonic oppression/attack is not *that* out there.

    Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.

    • DragonLady says:

      I mostly do the latter – fighting with someone that I can’t (or won’t) actually fight with.

      I bought into that lie that demons can’t touch believers. I have physically felt them, and I have seen one. But, I remind myself who I am, and whose I am. 🙂

  3. Just added you to my blogroll. I think you’re a “keeper.” I’ll drop in from time to time.

  4. I will pray for you.

    I don’t know you, of course.

    But I know this: I am my husband’s caregiver after he had a stroke 4 years ago; we still have a hospital bed and a potty chair in our living room. Stress is significant for both of us!

    • DragonLady says:

      Thank you! 🙂

      That is certainly stressful. My mom went downhill mentally significantly after my dad’s stroke & passing 6 years ago.

      I will pray for you too! :hugs:

  5. Jennifer says:

    I have that problem sometimes, too, coming up with a title for blog posts! I think yours, here, is brilliant!

    • DragonLady says:

      Sometimes if I wait until I think up a title, I will never write the post. So I have started writing and then coming up with a title, but this time I published a title-less post and added that “clever” title about 2 minutes later. lol 😉

  6. Danny Poole says:

    Just popping in to check on you. My brother and I started calling those internal arguments “monkey chatter”. I have a friend who tells me at times that the “radio in your head is too loud”. On the good days, the tinnitus drowns out the monkeys… :nolisten: Hang in there, my friend, we all pray for you.