I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t try to blog with a headache coming on and with brain fog. Especially when it’s “Theological Thursday” and I have no topic in mind yet. lol But, heck, when has that ever stopped me.
I had my second session of counseling yesterday. I don’t know if it’s the “happy pills” or the Al-Anon or the increased running, but I noticed I was feeling a lot better emotionally as if everything is ok. Which it’s not. I’m still sleeping like crap, and I woke up sick this morning, but this sick is probably diet related since I also ate like crap yesterday evening. Anyway, I felt more relaxed, and maybe because I did the verbal vomit on her last time. haha
I also noticed something last week that I do that I didn’t used to do. I shared it at an Al-Anon meeting last week. I know everyone has an internal dialog going on much of the time. I’ve always had one and can remember I time when I would have it out loud. I only did that when I was alone (or thought I was), but after getting busted a couple of times, I worked on that. Although I still get called out by my family for hand gesturing when it gets intense in my head. Case in point, Jamie said to me over the weekend, “Stop thinking with your hands.” lol But I digress. What I have been doing more often over the past few years is having arguments in my head. So there is an all too often mental conflict going which tells me I am pretty bitter about some things that are unresolved.
I read that yesterday and did a little bit of connecting the dots. There has been some kind of chaos going on for so long, and I just suppressed it like I did when I was a kid. But it’s all in there lashing out in my internal dialog. And when I indulge it, I open myself up to demonic attack. I know that sounds out there, but it is what it is. But my demonic encounters are a post for another day.
Finishing this thought will be for another day too in another post.