“And this is what comes from dabbling…”

And if you drop something on a Facebook wall, you might as well turn it into a blog post…especially when prodded. ;) Seriously though, I would have let the whole thing go with just some eye rolls and head shaking, but further commenting just raked me the wrong way, and I was in the mood to fight anyway.

It all started when I got a message from Petra who read God Doesn’t Want You to Read Fifty Shades of Grey, and came across a sentence that reminded her of me, and made her laugh a lot. For the record, I don’t seek out pictures of cute kittens; they are sent to me. lol Anyway, I went ahead and read the post and dropped the link in the Google chat I was having with Molly. I think we discussed what little we knew about the book and I think I told her why I was going to let it pass on by. I’ve slept since then. Anyway, Molly posted a status on FB about wanting something to read. Out of the first 5 suggestions, I was the only one who did NOT recommend Fifty Shades of Grey. I had just started reading Eat to Live (which my doctor “prescribed” like 3 or 4 years ago), so I recommended it. You know, that’s how I roll. LOL I then proceeded to ignore the additional Fifty Shades of Grey recommendations, and then Petra commented…and a couple chicks got defensive…and I got irked, and dropped this comment:

People who read those books are typically less (or un-) satisfied with their sex lives, and looking for an instant thrill. I got introduced to the “smut novel” in my teens, and that just opened the door to a dysfunctional sex life when I got married. As someone who knows the consequences of porn addiction (both from “erotic fiction” and video porn) personally, I can assure you that porn does NOT improve a sexual relationship. Only when porn was completely out of our household (and my husband gave it up long before I did), did we start communicating to and with one another whereby we finally achieved the level of intimacy in our marriage that so that our sex life reached a mutually (very) fulfilling level. Porn is porn whether literary or video, and does not depict real life. Sexual addiction is every bit as enslaving as drugs, alcohol, food, and cigarettes. Reading erotic fiction and calling yourself “open minded” is just fooling yourself. It’s being single-mindedly focused on physical pleasure which ultimately does not satisfy.

So there went my skeletons – run-on sentences, extra words, questionable grammar, and all. And here they are for you my 10 regular readers, though I guess it would be 8 since Petra and Molly already know. haha. And yes, I generalized without evidence. Isn’t that what a flame war is all about? ;)

I figured if I was going to put this out there, I should expound more on what I flushed out thinking on how feeding off the smut novels had such a negative impact. I developed expectations based on those novels. Expectations of every aspect of a relationship, too, and not just sexual. Naturally, when those expectations didn’t come to fruition, discontentment set in. But, of course the expectations weren’t going to be met because they were all based on fiction – from someone else’s imagination, and not even my own.

So, yeah, I won’t be reading Fifty Shades of Grey which is apparently the new Twilight only “heavy on sex” and without the vampires. And while I’m at it, I might as well throw out my opinion of the grown women who went/go nuts over Twilight. Women, when you are in your 30’s, but more especially in your 40’s and 50’s, and you are swooning over a fictional character, you look and sound immature and ridiculous. Just sayin’. Seriously,Cedric Diggory? Yes, I concluded that getting senselessly killed by Lord Voldemort turns you into a sparkly vampire.

*The post title is a partial quote from Practical Magic. The full quote is “And this is what comes from dabbling; I mean you can’t practice witchcraft while you look down your nose at it.”

12 Responses to '“And this is what comes from dabbling…”'

  1. MacBros says:

    Watching porn with a partner is actually fun, but IMO, watching it by yourself is torturing yourself and I don’t see the point. That has always been my point of view on the subject.

    Can you imaging if porn was just like real life!!?? That would be AWESOME!!! :D
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  2. Petra says:

    I am so behind on blogs, but I just saw the title in Facebook & thought “I wonder…” and sure enough, you were brave!!! ;)

    And my comment to macbros – I’ve lived a live that was pretty close to porn… and I’ll just reply that ‘fun for a minute’ only equals misery and pain in the long run.

    And no, I’m not pasting that comment into my own blog post. ;)

  3. Petra says:

    Also, your kitten photos defense made me laugh even more!

  4. I never understood the fascination with porn; movies or books to be honest. Yes, I’ve seen both, not in the past decade, but I never got it.

    It’s being single-mindedly focused on physical pleasure which ultimately does not satisfy.

    The fact that it all seemed solely driven by a physical need was a bit of a turn off (at least for me).

    I live in realville, and that was oh so much better. And yes, I have a great imagination. I didn’t need a book or a movie to excite me.
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    • DragonLady says:

      Funny thing is, I didn’t understand the fascination with porn at first. It was all a gradual slide. I also initially balked at the smut novels too. I think for me, the desire to sate physical needs were symptoms of unmet emotional needs, all of which stemmed from not looking to Christ. :)

  5. Teeni says:

    I keep hearing about this 50 Shades of Grey and had no idea what it was. Okay, so now I know it is a book. An erotic book, from what I am learning here. I have to agree with you, DL, about the middle aged women swooning over fictional characters. It does actually make them look kind of bad. Female equivalent of the creepy old man ogling the young girls in my opinion. You were brave to post this and I admire you. I think I was intrigued by porn when I was a teenager all full of hormones and curious about sex. But I don’t see a need for it in my life and fortunately neither does the hubby. Out of control hormones can lead to rash decisions, especially when you are not mature, and I think porn may only excite the hormones more as well as create unrealistic expectations just as you mentioned. Nice post.
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    • DragonLady says:

      I honestly don’t know a lot about it (beyond sex in general), but I heard/read somewhere that there was an element of S&M to it. I didn’t get the point of video porn when I was first introduced. That didn’t happen until my 30’s, which was still probably hormonal, but I think just as much tequila as hormones. ;) Mark Driscoll referred to the Twilight moms as “…cougar mothers with fetishes for 16 year old vampires!” I about DIED laughing!!! I know it really isn’t funny, but that just hit the nail on the head! :)

      I still can’t believe I let Petra talk me into blogging it. ;)

  6. Petra says:

    Hey! I didn’t hold a gun to your head! ;)