Lest this become a cooking blog, I will write about something besides food. And I have noticed I have used “lest” a lot lately. Weird. And there will be a certain vagueness to this…specifics withheld to protect the guilty. 😉

Anyway, the lessons are related to a common thing – bitterness and unforgiveness. They go hand in hand with me which is why I referred to them in the singular. And I have been struggling with them, or rather struggling with letting go of them. The unforgiveness feeds the bitterness, and I know they are eating me alive. I know people say “Just let it go,” but it isn’t really just that easy. There is real hurt to contend with. There are unmet expectations to contend with. There is a sense of entitlement to contend with.

I stood in “the confessional” one night (that’s what I named my shower) and was wrestling with the “How much is enough” question. I wasn’t really asking myself, because I knew I had LONG passed the threshold of enough. I got answered, and it wasn’t an answer I wanted to hear. But I could not argue. I had an example that I could not deny nor ignore. No matter if the one prevailing issue never goes away, I can’t give up.

But I had no idea how I was going to cope. The future looked bleak and hopeless. There was no way I could make it. I was going to fail and fail miserably. How can I do it? I can’t let go when it’s constantly thrown in my face. Can I?

Then something happened, and it clicked. It wasn’t something you would expect to be an attitude-changing moment, but yet it was. It happened Sunday, but finally fully sank in today.

Cherish the times that are really, really good-the ones that feel like the “fairy tale”-instead of only focusing on the bad times when your expectations aren’t being met.

In the past few days there have been many “fairy tale” moments. Yeah, they may be just little things, but they still warm the heart. Like sitting in Burger King wanting to wallow in self-pity, but you can’t because your son is talking your ear off and you can’t help but smile. Or you’re sitting in McDonald’s with a splitting headache and your daughter keeps putting her “chicken” nuggets in your face. But mainly when you are sitting there broken, hoping no one else can see that you are trying not to fall apart and your husband reaches over and holds your hand…when he doesn’t ever do that. Dwell on that. Cherish that.