Archive for the LinkWhoring Category

Something is missing

I generally try to come up with a title and write around it. That doesn’t always work out so well, and is often why I end up not writing at all. Eh, whatever. This time, though, I know what I want as title because it is the subject of what I want to write about. And for some reason, thinking “Something is missing” reminds me of that scene from Star Trek: Generations when Picard meets Kirk in the Nexus. And as an aside, I generally don’t think the odd numbered Star Trek movies are all the great. This was #7. But it’s Kirk, and I am digressing.

Over a 9 day span, I had migraines for 7 of the days. I have never had migraines like that. They weren’t so bad I couldn’t go to work, but while I forced myself to work, that was the only place I forced myself to. This past Sunday, I finally decided that since I didn’t have anywhere I absolutely had to go, that I would take a valium and see how that worked. All the pain went away, and I sat all afternoon knitting. Ok, not all afternoon. I did get up from time to time and do stuff. And it made me a little dizzy which made me a little sick so it’s not like I want to take it again. However, it confirmed that my migraines were from stress and tension. I already suspected that. Oh, and I haven’t had a migraine since. 3 days straight. Imagine!

But even before the pain lifted, I knew that something had to happen. Something had to change. Petra has quoted this to me time and time again:

for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
(2 Timothy 1:7 ESV)

At least I think that’s the one. ;) Anyway, you would think it would eventually sink into my thick head. But, no, I have to learn the same lessons over and over the hard way. It’s so frustrating, and maddening. I know this stuff. I grew up with it. Why after all these years is it still not sticking?

I’ve noticed that over the past couple of years I have grown less judgemental of non-believers, and have finally got it through my head that not everyone grew up saturated in a “fundamentalist” Baptist church in the Bible belt where most everyone is assumed to at least be a regular church attendee with at least a basic knowledge of the Bible belt legalistic moralism “Christianity.” See what I did there? My judgementalism transferred from non-believers to Christians. I seem to so easily point out what is wrong with other Christians, while still setting myself up in my ivory tower of self-righteouness because I “get it.” Except I didn’t.

Last week it finally sunk in that I was missing something, and it isn’t toast. ;) Something big that was keeping me back and hindering my prayers and keeping me from experience the peace and joy that I am supposed to have. Now I know that doesn’t mean I’m supposed to have a carefree easy life. Jesus didn’t say, “Take up your Lazyboy and chill out” but “Take up your cross and follow me.” I understand what that means, and it is by no means an easy, comfortable life. But yet I still try to control circumstances around me so that life’s easier or so I don’t get hurt. Fear and worry. Lacking trust in the One who is the only one I can trust.

Paul said,

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
(Philippians 4:11-13 ESV)

Contentment escapes me. Even when things are going fairly well, and I feel like I’m getting a breather, something is missing. I have come to the conclusion (partially from judging others for this very thing) that what I am missing is the Holy Spirit. Not that the Holy Spirit isn’t there,

In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit,
(Ephesians 1:13 ESV)

but that I have spent so much of my life working at controlling the circumstances around me that I have missed out on the Spirit’s power in my life. The power to make me content no matter the circumstances. The power to feel peace and joy when the world is falling apart around me. But most of all the power to obey. The power to forgive. The power to love. The power to praise God no matter what, and to trust Him completely with everything. Because He is in control anyway. And this all changed what I prayed for. Because I asked for what I also fear while confessing the fear as I prayed. I mean, it’s not like he doesn’t know. But I can’t overcome the fear without the Spirit either.

And now I wait.

Welcoming in the New Year

Molly told me I need to blog. Funny thing, I wrote 3 paragraphs yesterday, and deleted it because I just wasn’t really into it. I’m still not, but I will anyway. I suppose since I did an end of year post for 2012, I should do a beginning of the year post for 2013. That, of course, infers that I have resolutions, but I don’t. Goals, yes, but those started prior to the end of the year.

Goal 1: Learn to rest.

One wouldn’t think this would be difficult, but when you can’t remember how long you have been working 7 days a week, it is hard to take 1 day and not work at all. I tried last Sunday, and while it was not all that hard to stay off of email and Facebook, and 1 of the 2 times I got online was legitimate (auto insurance id cards), I had to make myself not do a load of laundry or watch a movie. I know, movies aren’t work, but there was a purpose. Part of the rest is “no screens.” But aside from having to pick up some groceries because I had no food (poor planning), and then cooking (because I had to eat), and cleaning the toilet in the master bath because it was just nasty and I couldn’t stand it, I did my best to just sit and relax. Did some reading, and attempted some crochet, but the latter was just pissing me off so I left it for another day.

Goal 2: 13 races in 2013

I saw this 13 in 2013 challenge and signed up for it because it is “easily” attainable. I mean there are 5ks all the time. I am signed up for this half-marathon, and have already said if it goes well, I want to do a full marathon.

Goal 3: Crochet

In a sense, I have already met this goal because I made an ugly dish cloth this week. The reason I call it ugly is that it was my first project so my stitching was inconsistent (and wrong) for the first few rows. Actually, I did the single stitches consistently wrong, but whatever. I started at least getting the stitch count right and the knack of the single stitch down by the last 4 rows. Below is my progress from the chain to first row of single stitch to half way to done.


And really, the crochet will fall under the resting because I chill out when I am doing it. My mind doesn’t wander all around and everywhere when I have to concentrate on counting stitches and rows.

Goal 4: Pushups

This was a goal I had and failed last year. I haven’t been able to do even 1 pushup in at least 10 years. I want to be able to do at least 10 by the end of the year.

Goal 5: Make my marriage and family priority

I also started on this one before last year was over. We have issues, and those issues need to be worked on instead of ignored while focusing on other stuff. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Goal 6: Journal every day.

With the caveat not to obsess if I miss a day. But 3 days in, I have done ok with this one so far. Since there is some daily tracking involved with Goal 5 for now, it really shouldn’t be that much of a problem to do. Shouldn’t.

Goal 7: Eat healthy.

I’m already working/caving on this one, but I haven’t been to Starbucks all year. LOL!! Maybe they are done with the holiday beverages and I can leave off the pumpkin spice lattes. Yes, I know that you can actually get them year-round, but it isn’t as tempting when it’s not printed on the menu. Anyway, by healthy I mean less processed and less meats (especially red & pork), and more fruits and veggies. This was last weekend, btw…

That's a lot of meat!

That’s a lot of meat!

I guess that is all for now that I am not already working on and/or am willing to put out publicly. Maybe I should add blog at least once a week?

The last Monday of 2012

It’s amazing the difference having a restful Sunday makes on a Monday. I still wanted to sleep in, and wish I had taken today off instead of boxing day, but I don’t feel emotionally drained. More on that later. Seeing as how it is the last day of 2012, and a recap of the year seems to be the thing to do, here goes a quickie:

    Came out of the worst depression ever.

    Accepted a challenge to eliminate artificial flavors/colors/preservatives from my diet and went through awful physical withdrawls. Twice.

    Failed at my exercise and reading challenges…and still can’t do even one pushup.

    Figured out a bunch of food sensitivities in addition to gluten.

    Found a metal rooster that dwarfed Beyonce.


    Had surgery to remove a nasal polyp. 2nd time.

    Learned that I can take Vicodin without getting sick if I take Phenargen first. The better option would still be Percocet.

    Lost over 30 pounds, went down 2 trouser sizes, and 1 shirt size.

    Running: First managed to run a full mile, then a 5k, then a 10k, then a half marathon, and then a Thanksgiving 8k to redeem myself from the Labor Day 8k.

    Discovered (the hard way) that I am super allergic to hair dye now.

    I learned that I can really open up to my friends and share my skeletons and that it really helps to heal from past issues.

    “Had” to buy a new riding mower. And a new push mower.

    My mom turned 80.

    Flew sober.

    Had a 29 day period.

    Nearly went vegan. Twice. Didn’t make it past 2 weeks either time.

    Our cat Simon got hit by a car and killed.

    My dog escaped one too many times, and met the same fate as Simon.

    Mittens went missing after the second to last Darci escape and is presumed dead since she hasn’t been seen since August.

    My youngest started high school.

    Took 3 of Petra’s cats.

    Was surprised with a large sum of unexpected money and was able to pay off all credit card and vehicle debt.

    Broke down and got glasses.

    Got another mammogram (first since 2006) which resulted in another biopsy (just like 2006).

    Rehab, DWI, and a totaled van.

    Mourned the sudden death of my first love.

    Complete emotional breakdown that I let spill onto others, and not in a good way.

My phone doesn’t really do it justice, but I got to see a beautiful sunrise this morning.

Cupcake Classic 5k

I guess I should end my unintentional hiatus? I really didn’t intend to go a month (approximately) between posts, but, well, I’ll blog about that later. :)

If there is a virtual 5k going on, you can bet that Molly is going to find it and force talk me into doing it. This was all well and good until I started training for a half marathon, and, well, it is hard to work in a 5k (3.1 miles) when you reach the point in your training that your short run is 4 miles. But I signed up for Jess’s Cupcake Classic 2012 anyway because 1) there was a cool shirt to be had and 2) there was a cool medal to be had. The only problem was I ended up sick the whole week and did not run at all until Saturday. :sigh:

So Friday night, I got a text from Karyn about running Saturday morning. It was totally expected because that is the day we do our long run, and yes, I had avoided texting her about the same thing because I was wanting to remain in denial that I hadn’t run all week, and therefore running 12 miles Saturday morning was going to suck. Big time. Especially since I hadn’t successfully ran more than 10 miles. But we settled on a time to meet and I told her I was considering baking some celebratory cupcakes. After all, I still had that 5k to run. And yes, at this point I knew there was no way I would run a 5k Sunday which was the last day. So, I forced myself to bake gluten free blueberry/blackberry muffins (muffin/cupcake – it’s all the same to me), packed up a few for post run, and hoped the hubster wouldn’t snore too bad so I could get good sleepies.

Up and dressed, and ready(ish) to run:

Yes, I am totally faking a smile after the rash of crap I got on Facebook over the lack of smile when showing off my new glasses. So, Kate, that fake smile is for you. :cheesy: And I am holding my head up in a futile attempt to cover up the double chin. ;)

I kind of guesstimated where the 3.1 mile mark was during our run, which I guesstimated wrong when I stopped the timer on my watch, and had to guesstimate a little more accurately via MapMyRun. It was 37+ min which I have written on an index card on my desk at home. Remember I said Saturday was a 12 mile run? And I hadn’t ran more than 10? Yeah, it sucked. That last lap around campus climbing that hill the last time, I was just about done, and unconsciously dropped to a walk. I realized it after a few steps and forced myself back into a run with the “You have less than a mile and you are over halfway up this hill and it’s the last hill. Run! You can do this!!”

And this is the only post-race pic I have:

And Karyn said the only thing that kept her going was the promise of these at the end:

She finished like 45 minutes before me, and passed me twice during my 7th lap. At least I think it was twice during the same lap. I might have zoned out an entire lap. It was brutal for us both. She ended up with a rather nasty blood blister, and I got some crazy chafing that nearly had me in tears in the shower. But those muffins were good. I could write a post on what a pain they were to make, but I can sum it up with this: the batter was the consistency of soft taffy. I think I cussed more than once while filling the paper liners.

But anyway, Karyn and I are ready for the half marathon. 13 days…

I embarrass my kids

I was ready to run last night. That’s what got this whole thing started. It was tribe run night, and I changed into my running clothes before I left work because I was going to run. But there was a reason that I posted on Facebook, “Maybe I should lay off the salsa for a while…” Anyway, my digestion is incidental. Chad informed me that he “needed” more lemonade. I needed bananas, so he was in luck. But the conversation at some point turned to being embarrassed to be with me (obviously he is willing to endure it to get what he wants). I chuckled and asked him to elaborate. “You sing.” Now I’m laughing. “You mean out loud in the store, or in general.” He said “In general,” so that means I will be singing a lot more often now. hahaha

But he wasn’t done. Then he started in on my attire which was according to him “Not enough clothes.” As I said before, I was dressed to run. Obnoxiously dressed, but dressed to run nonetheless. Yellow/blue shorts, bright sun-yellow yellow thin tank. According to him, they are short-shorts. To me, short-shorts are a lot closer to Daisy Dukes than what I was wearing. But anyway, I wore that to Food Lion, and he is still going on about my lack of clothes even though I told him they are used to seeing me dressed like that on Tuesday nights. I paid for it though, because I got cold…visibly…

So now I drift from that point, and go off on a tangent. I think that will be my new blogging style – start with a topic and then delve off to something fairly unrelated. Anyway, before we could get out of the house, Chad decided to tell me that I smelled bad…”like Evie’s butt.” That was not nice, and especially not nice considering there’s no telling how long it’s been since he has showered. But I digress. I did a quick smell check, and quickly determined that my deodorant was no longer doing it’s job. This is what happens when you give up the aluminum antiperspirants with artificial fragrance. And I was on the 3rd brand of “natural” deodorant. So that was it. I was going to find a recipe for homemade deodorant.

I just blindly Googled, and one of the top hits was by Crunchy Betty, who just happens to be one of the bloggers I read. I went with her first deodorant recipe because it is crazy easy and I already had all the ingredients (cornstarch, not arrowroot powder, and opted not to add tea tree oil…this time). It smells like food. Now granted, you would have to actually like coconut to want to taste it, but even if you do, let me advise you, it smells WAY better than it tastes. Yes, I have issues.

So today is day 1 using the homemade deodorant, and (if I remember) I will give my review of it in a week or 2.

Beautiful Blogger

Molly nominated me for this last week, and I feel so honored and thankful to her as a friend. :)

**Obligatory Rules**

Copy the Beautiful Blogger Award logo and place it in your post.

Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.

Tell 7 things about yourself.

Nominate 7 other bloggers for their own Beautiful Blogger Award, and comment on their blogs to let them know.

So here’s my 7 things:

1. This isn’t really new, but I don’t like peanuts or peanut butter.

2. I was a band geek in high school because I sucked at basketball and tennis, refused to run track (haha! That’s come back to bite me.), but was determined to have a letter jacket….which I still have…

3. Was able at one time to quote the movies The Wizard of Oz & Steel Magnolias by heart from beginning to end. I can still heavily quote them.

4. Slept through 2 tornadoes when I was a kid. This is significant because I had the same type of meltdowns over the possibility of a tornado as I did over spiders.

5. I remember my school closing after this Titan II missle explosion, and if memory serves me correctly, it was because our school was being used as an evacuation shelter. The Damascus silo was in the next county, but there were 3 in my county, the closest one being less than 3 miles away from our house, as the crow flies. That would be considered in the ground zero range, just fyi. And yes, I knew that growing up, and knew that it was a reasonable assumption that the Soviet Union had a matching ICBM for each of ours, targeted at ours.

6. Made it to 6th place in the county spelling bee in 1983. I misspelled consternation. I haven’t since. ;)

7. Went through 3 different majors in college, and had 3 different minors with the second major. First and last majors did no require a minor, but I could have gotten a minor in management with my final major if I had taken just one more management course (personnel management).

    1st major – Pre-Pharmacy. Turned out I hated biology and wasn’t too excited with chemistry.
    2nd major – Computer Science. Assembly language and discrete math killed me. Only 2 F’s that I left on my transcript.

      1st minor – Math. I dropped Calculus III after the first day, and Abstract Algebra the day of the 1st test…and changed minors.
      2nd minor – Industrial Technology. This was fun, but I wasn’t going to have enough upper level credits.
      3rd minor – Business Administration. I only got as far as the basics – Accounting & Economics – before I changed majors.

    3rd major – Industrial Technology. Except for the management aspect, it was like shop class only college level.

Here’s my 7 nominations, in no order, and without holding them to having to participate knowing that they are all busy. :)






Diane and Mel (whose employer won’t let her have a personal blog). They have blogged separately and together off an on, so I list them together due to the parenthetical statement after Mel’s name.



Ok, I know that is more than 7. I couldn’t narrow it to just 7. Sorry. Seriously, I almost added more. ;)

Settling back into normal

My mom turned 80 a week ago, and I flew home over the weekend to attend her birthday party hosted by one of my cousins. Great food, cousins I hadn’t seen in YEARS. My poor kids were overwhelmed by all the family who they didn’t know, but who knew them. I did not take a single picture, and I am waiting for someone to either email some out or post on Facebook. I would poke at them to do so if I could remember who was taking them. lol Just for the record, I have broken another one of my rules. I always said, “The DragonLady doesn’t get on a plane sober,” but I did going and coming. I wasn’t at all comfortable, but I was sober.

I got up and ran 5K Saturday morning from my mom’s. That was the craziest run I have had so far. I was fine running down to Uncle Fred & Aunt Becky’s, and I was fine running to the old school, but from that point on, every time I ran uphill, I thought I was going to poop. (That’s your TMI for today.) I mean, it was crazy, and I didn’t think I would ever get that last 400 meters done. Pretty sure the chick on Nike+ said “100 meters left” twice. And once I was done, I couldn’t go. Weird.

I lost 3 pounds during week 1 of Jess’s Marathon Weight Loss Challenge.

It probably would have been more had it not been for the birthday party, and that moment of weakness when I drank a Dr. Pepper. But, it’s all good because I met my 3rd milestone and went under 180. I began reading Eat to Live since my doctor “prescribed” it 3 or 4 years ago. So far it is reinforcing everything I have researched and fell upon since going gluten free and then going natural(ish).

After waking up sick yesterday morning, I ended up calling in and went back to bed and slept until 10:30am. I think maybe I was just exhausted and dehydrated because when I got up that second time, I ate and drank a bunch of water, and then felt fine by 3pm. So about 7, I decided I could try a run, and I ran 4.55 miles. I probably could have run farther, but I told the kids before I left that it shouldn’t take me more than an hour. The first mile felt good, I wanted to quit the entire second mile, I wanted to quit for half of the 3rd mile, and then I just kept telling myself that I could make it back to the church. Once there, I told myself I could make it to the 4 mile mark, and at that point I was confident I could make it home. I was feeling real good once I made it back.

And I am now training for the half marathon in November. Karyn sent me the 20 week training plan she is following, which this would be week 19 and I’ve not been exact, and still won’t be since I have a 5k next week, but it will be ok. I think.

This was stuck in my head nearly all day Monday…

5 things I’m loving

I was going to do this, and then I decided not to do it, but I have decided again to go ahead and do it. Over at Shut Up and Run, she has a post up called 5 Things I’m Loving Right Now, and she wants folks to blog their 5 things and tag 5 more to do it. Well, you know I never miss an opportunity to link whore, so here goes.

1. Raw almond butter. First of all, I hate peanut butter. I hate peanuts. So while I can eat a pb&j if I am desperate, it will be just that – desperation. But I thought I would give the almond butter a try since I love almonds, and WOW! That stuff is the bomb!

2. Running 3 miles straight. I’ve never run that far in my life. Previous record was 2 miles and that was only out of fear of getting washed back in basic training.

3. Egg sandwiches. Note that doesn’t say egg salad, which I hate. I fry a couple of eggs like an omelette, and put it on toasted bread with some mustard and a slice of swiss cheese. Yummy!!!!

4. Watermelon. This has always been a love, but here lately it’s been like a craving. I can eat a butt-ton of it, get filled up, and it’s a zero or negative calorie burner so it’s win-win. Yes, I know it’s mostly water, but it’s naturally sweet water.

5. My inner circle of friends. These are the ones who know most (if not all) of my dirt, and love me anyway. :) They listen to me whine about my problems, tell me straight up when I am screwing up, make me run when I don’t wanna, encourage me, make me laugh when I want to wallow in self-pity, and pray for me.

Being the nonconformist that I am, I am tagging 6 of yuns (yes, pronounce that just like I spelled it because that’s how I said it in my head). Diane, MacBros, Opal @ Celebrate Life, Teeni, Molly, Petra

Maniacal Monday #8

1. Friday afternoon I was in full soccer mom mode, except that soccer (or any other sport) was not involved. I had to pick up Chad in the afternoon along with a friend of his who came over to the house. Shortly after getting them home, Jamie wanted sushi, and I agreed because we had to go get a card & present for a birthday party she was going to that evening. Seriously, I was on the go from 1pm to just after 8pm.

2. I got up Saturday morning with the intention of a run. Being Saturday, I refused to be in a hurry, and so it was 10am before I ever set out on the run. All was fine until the 1 mile mark. I want to note that at this point I was really tired, but not so tired I wasn’t still running. The 1 mile mark for this route is at the top of a hill. Small hill, but kind of steep. Anyway, it wasn’t far after this that I realized my folly in lollygagging around all morning. From the 1 mile mark to the halfway mark there was no shade, and I got HOT. I was really done before I got to the halfway mark, but I kept going until I hit the shade. I walked the entire way back home rather than risk getting any hotter and getting sick or having a heat stroke. Lesson learned – get my butt up and out there earlier, or wait until about 7pm.

3. I made what felt like 100 stops shopping Saturday. I won’t even discuss what I spent. ugh.

4. I got sucked into a discussion on Facebook that ended up in me going all confessional to make a point. Now Petra thinks it should be a blog post. It would generate traffic that’s for sure…

5. Is considering signing up for a 5k 4th of July. All my running friends are (of course) telling me to do it. I am almost positive Molly will make me sign up and probably before the day is out. lol Last time I got up early on 4th of July, well, it was 2001 and that’s a story in itself that I might tell again sometime. But not today…

6. Darci, aka the escape artist, dug out again over the weekend. It’s been a while. No one has bothered yet to find the hole and fill it in.

7. I broke down and snaked the drain in the shower in the master bath. This is why I haven’t done #6.

8. I’m craving a burger and tater tots from Sonic. :sigh:

9. Got to work early this morning. Was nice not having to get the kids up.

10. Traffic was fairly light this morning and I don’t think I got mad enough to cuss anyone. Yes, this is a problem. My mouth, not the traffic. Ok, yeah, people are stupid, but I drive stupid sometimes, too.

I was looking for something else, and fell upon this song which has now been stuck in my head all morning.

You’re welcome. :)

Maniacal Monday #7

The whole blogging regularly thing hasn’t been working out like I had planned. That was the reasoning behind having “theme days” so I would have a direction to go in. Apparently, that really doesn’t help that much, sadly. But perhaps I can manage a random list post because the other alternative would be “real” and “confessional,” and I’m not really feeling publicly putting those kinds of issues out there. ;) I’m also going to attempt to avoid any talk of running and save that for tomorrow; you know, for Training Tuesday. haha

1. 2 weeks ago I mentioned having issues with putting the new belt on the mower deck. Well, that finally resulted in taking the deck off. Since it was off, the hubby was going to sharpen the blades, but when he looked at them, he decided replacing them was the more viable option. Getting the first one off was a major battle, but the second one was worse. Once we got the second one off, we discovered the teeth the blade fits onto were pretty much gone, and so we opted to just buy a new riding mower. *sigh* Oh, don’t get me wrong, the new mower is GREAT, but that was $$$$ I wasn’t up for spending.

2. Realized Friday night that I’m about to have 2 high school kids.

3. Still freaks out over speaking in front of people even if it’s only about 11, one of which is one of my children.

4. I haven’t had any caffeine in a week and a half, and did not get a caffeine withdrawl headache. Also, have not had a significant energy drain, and only had to take a nap once. Almost caved and got Starbucks this afternoon, but I think I will treat myself on Friday instead.

5. Seems to now be on a 14-day cycle. :-/

6. Eating a really craptastic salad as I type this. Yes, you all need to know that.

7. Found a kitten on the front porch Saturday afternoon. My first thought was that Petra had finally followed through on her threat to dump her kittens at my house, but upon closer examination (and the fact that it ran away instead of to me), it was not colored like her remaining kittens.

8. Speaking of Petra, she gave birth to an adorable baby girl last week.

9. Finally moved plants outside for the summer, and turns out I don’t have so many as I did that need to be out.

10. Has apparently plateaued at 20 pounds. Actually, I’ve been bouncing between 18 and 23. *sigh* Having to once again get my diet under control.