Archive for the Training Tuesday Category
This has been quite a year. I did not even accomplish half of my goals for the year. Life got crazy! For most of the year I was not only the only one in this house with a job, but the only one with a driver's license. That wore me out and sucked up a large amount of vacation/sick time. But Jamie finally got her driver's license, so the pressure is off to be everyone's chauffeur. Oh, and we also only had 1 vehicle for much of the year, so I was still on the hook until we got another car. I got my nose pierced. And I want to get my eyebrow pierced now. I also want a couple of tattoos, but that won't happen until Petra gets inked. My mom had a mini stroke. Adding that into the Alzheimer's mix, she now has 3 distinct personalities. 1, she is still Mom, but has trouble saying the right words. She knows who you are, but can't say your name. That's the stroke effect. 2, she is still Mom, but she has no idea who people are. Thanksgiving, she would forget who the kids were, and thought I was Aunt Pearl. That's the Alzheimer's. It's sad, but expected and fairly easy to deal with because she retains that same kind and loving personality of my Mom. But then there is that 3rd one - the paranoid delusional one. This one knows who I am, but thinks people are out to get her. This one infuriates me because she is nothing like my mom. Intellectually I know this is another aspect of the Alzheimer's, but emotional detachment is not so easy. The contract I worked on ended, and we switched to a new one with a new company. I got a 4 week paid staycation out of it which was great for the first 2 weeks. Those last 2 weeks, I was calling the security office nearly every day asking if my stuff had transferred so I could go back to work. And the first week back, I filled in as site lead while the site lead was on vacation. 4 weeks of nothing and then a week of everything because I was the only one left with working accounts. I still don't want to be site lead. Oh, and I took a 10% pay cut. It hurts. But I love my co-workers. I was forced to admit that I'm an alcoholic. By forced, I mean I was told I needed to quit for a while and I couldn't. For those who don't already know. Assuming more than 3 or 4 people read this blog anymore. Once I did the 3rd step, I realized I essentially rededicated my life to Jesus, and decided to get rebaptized as a matter of owning my faith as my own. And I am 11 months sober. One day at a time. Throughout the year while working on my recovery through therapy, and through a 12-step program (which a LOT of people could really use), I have learned a lot about myself, and have come to terms and dealt with issues that I had never dealt with. I have grieved, and I have forgiven. I have learned to accept responsibility for my actions and reactions, and how to ask for forgiveness. And I've learned a few things along the way. 1. Life is more peaceful when you cease to be a victim/martyr. 2. Other people are responsible for their own choices and therefore their own consequences. 3. Life isn't meant to be lived in isolation. 4. Trying to live up to a manufactured facade of other people's expectations (real or perceived) will drive you insane. 5. It is okay to feel. Emotions are God-given. But let them be indicators and means of healing rather than living by them. Life isn't sunshine and roses. You take the good, you take the bad.
And another draft comes out of the hole. Although, I don't think what I am about to write about is what I originally intended. Especially now that I remember what it was, but I only had a couple of sentences, so I can just let that go and start over whenever (or if ever) I decide to write about it. ;) I have a little slightly irrelevant background. I got irked about something early in the summer or late spring. Whenever Pope Francis was chosen and announced. I don't care enough to look up when that was exactly as it had little to do with him or Roman Catholicism. I got irked over landmarkism that I grew up in. I may have written about it before and how I came to realize it is actually a cult. But this isn't really about landmarkism. It's about not knowing what to do with my hands. I've got a theory as to the reason why the churches I grew up in were so stoic when it came to singing. But I don't really have much to back it up with, so I won't go there. The fact remains that nothing was done with our hands while singing except holding a hymnal. There was no clapping, no hands raised, no foot tapping, and absolutely nothing that even remotely resembled dancing. Except for young kids who had motions to go along with the little kid songs. Oh, and the song leader (depending on his/her age) would use one hand to keep time while holding the hymnal in the other. Anything else was done by "holy rollers" and/or those who were "putting on a show." Now that I am not in that environment, I look at it totally different. I see hands raised, swaying, clapping, practically dancing, foot tapping (I do this a lot), and people just wide open when they sing. And I see people standing perfectly still as they sing. Since I've had the privilege to be onstage a lot the last few years, I see it all together with facial expressions and all. It is so wonderful to be able to see that. Then there's me. What do I do with my hands? Because that stigma is still rooted in me with what people will think if I go wide open. As if I am still among the churches I grew up in. I remember the first time I raised my hand. There was a part in a song I was leading that was acapella, and a long enough part to feel awkward. But I forced a hand up because it fit with the song. Sometimes I am fine with tapping my foot and "drumming" the pew in front of me. I don't clap because it hurts my hands...and the hubs can't keep time which throws me off. lol. But there are times during certain songs that I feel like raising my hands and getting all into it, and I am frustrated that I don't feel comfortable doing it because of how I raised in church. It's silly though. I've raised hands and gotten all into ball games and concerts. So I think I should feel comfortable doing it at church too. We'll see...
I'll start off actually blogging according to my weekly topic schedule. That said, I think I am just going to go back to the whole writing about what I feel like writing about whenever. Or not writing when I can't come up with anything. Anywho... I really got sick of running. Though, I don't think I got so much sick of running and I find myself not near as motivated to run without Karyn or Molly "forcing" me out for a run. That's not to say that I have stopped running. It's just an explanation as to why I haven't run in about 4 weeks. It has emotionally taken a toll on me too. I guess I really didn't understand just how much better I feel after a run. I say that as I remember Dr. Garlick telling me to keep running in order to burn off that fight or flight reaction my body is trying to do over the life stress. I can't change what is going on around me, and while I am learning (or unlearning/relearning) how to deal/respond to things out of my control, I need an outlet. An outlet that doesn't involve me having a pity party playing the victim to have people feel sorry for me as this post is starting to turn. ;) So that's why I bought a new bicycle. Unlike running, I have always loved cycling. I signed up for Jess' October virtual race VIRTUAL RIDE for breast cancer which is a 50k ride. I haven't really done any "serious" cycling since I was in my late teens, though not a lot of that was really serious. See, when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, I received a permanent grounding from riding bikes because I wrecked one too many times trying to pop wheelies. My dad was a bit overprotective when it came to me getting hurt. Of course, it only managed to keep me off of my bike as I had plenty of cousins who would let me ride theirs. But when I was 18, even though I was still in high school and still living under my parents' roof, a lot of rules expired. I got my ears pierced and I bought a Huffy 10-speed from Walmart. For the rest of my senior year, I rode that bike to school. Uphill both ways. ;) It took several weeks before I was able to ride up that hill on St Vincent Street from Harding Street to the house. 5 blocks of hill. Only 2 blocks of hill from our house toward school, and that side of the hill took a week to conquer. But then I started biking all over town. Deadria went with me once and swore never to ride with me again. LOL! But her younger brother Leroy would, and so would my cousin Steve from down the street. Except Steve couldn't ride all over town, I don't think. Or didn't want to. That was over 25 years ago. Anyway, I also rode quite a bit around Conway for a while in college. Gradually, I stopped riding and instead drove everywhere because after that first year of college, I took summer classes AND worked part time. There was just no time for biking. There isn't much time now, but I want to make time. Because I love it. And eventually my butt won't hurt from the seat when I ride. ;) Now on to a slight subject change. I got a couple of emails yesterday from the worship leader one adding me to the planning site, and the other adding me to the worship schedule...for this Sunday. I might have panicked a little because I thought, "What if it's songs I don't know?" Looked at the 5 songs, and the panic was a little justified. Recognized 1 title and that is a song that I know is new. 5 songs that I don't know, and I am scheduled both for guitar and vocals. But I downloaded the chord charts and lyrics and actually listened to the songs, and 3 of the songs were familiar. One of the 3 was very familiar. I relaxed some, but not entirely. Last night I actually sat down with my guitar to play along, and calmed down a lot. They aren't hard to play overall. I only really have to concentrate hard on memorizing the chords. I don't expect to be singing lead on any of them, and the harmony vocals don't seem hard to learn. Also, I won't be the only female vocalist. I'm still nervous, and it really is kind of silly since I will be up there with a complete band, and there were a few times at New Life Praise where I had to lead completely solo, just me and my guitar. I think maybe that is why I'm nervous. Anyway, I think I will be ready for rehearsal Thursday night. And for all the friends who encouraged me to audition... Yes, I have watched that movie way too many times. I was a hard core fan of the cartoon when I was little. Don't judge me. ;)
Sometimes, I think up a title, get distracted before I start writing, and then sit here looking at the title wondering what the heck I was going to write about. This
may will be totally different from what I was thinking about originally.
I'm not very organized. I know how to be. I know how to be so organized that I can tell if something has been moved even if it is in the spot where it belongs. I learned that because that's how my dad was. Everything had a place and it was to stay in it's place. I, of course, couldn't keep my hands off of stuff, and therefore I learned how to put his stuff (mainly tools) back in the exact spot they were. That may be why I'm not so organized now. Rebellion is very deep-rooted in me. ;) On the other hand, being that OCD just costs too much mental energy.
9 days later, I am back to this draft, and I have absolutely no idea where I was going with that. I'm leaving it there because that's just how I roll. I also really don't know where to go with the whole post, but whatever. It's not like I've never written a rambling post before. ;) It is now 5 days later since I started this paragraph. Really?
Not only am I not running the full marathon, I am not running the half either. The thought of running the last 4 miles with a backache is extremely unappealing. So whatever. I have nothing to prove since I have run 2 half marathons already. I have 2 races left to run this year to get in my 13 in 2013. Easy peasy.
I do now, however, have more time to devote to homeschool stuffs. Like tutoring my son in Algebra and explaining transitive and intransitive verbs to my daughter.
I also do not now have to stress on running. I can do 3-6 miles and enjoy it again. And buy a new bike maybe instead of new shoes. I have big plans. haha And I can make weekend plans without having to worry about being sore or running out of time. Seriously.
We went to Lee & Rachel's Saturday and I had a blast!
And I passed my audition Sunday so I am excited about being part of a worship team again.
So yeah. Rambling and pointless. But this is now out of my drafts hole. ;)
Or maybe that should be misadventures. :) Saturday was an 18 miler. I did get 18 miles in, just not all Saturday. And my knees are yelling at me today. I have discovered something over the past few weeks that really sunk in this weekend. I cannot do a long run with my husband. And that is why I did a little over 6 miles (about a 10k) Saturday morning, 5.4 miles Saturday evening, and 7.3 miles Sunday morning. 3 runs to get that 18 miles. Those first 2 runs were fantastic. I felt awesome. The Sunday morning run, not so much. We had the oldest daughter of a couple of friends with us Saturday morning. I knew she wasn't running 18 miles. I didn't expect her to be able to and was not going to try to get her to run that much. She did a good 3. She needed to go to the bathroom and everything was closed at CCCC so the hubby took her to someplace with a bathroom and got them something to eat while I kept running. About mile 6 I decided I wasn't going to make them sit and wait for another 2 or 3 hours on me to finish. So I went and did 5 more that evening, or rather 5.4 because even though I was telling myself through the last 2 miles that I only had to make it back to my road, I went ahead and ran that last .4 miles because I was trying to beat the storms. Which is were I will back up and say that I looked at the radar and saw a line of storms around High Point and figured it would take them about an hour to get to us. I also thought I could finish 5 miles in about an hour. It was a little over an hour, and when I got back home and checked the radar again, that line had mostly dissipated. The 7? Oh, man. I knew it was about 7 miles from my driveway to the other end of Lydia Perry Road and back. I ran Lydia Perry before. It sucked because it's uphill the whole way back, but doable. Uh, nope. Not when I've run about 11.5 the day before. I was tired when I started, and even that whole downhill run was rough. And then the sun was beating on me for much of the way back, and I just had to suck it up and do the walk of shame. Although, there was a sprint in the middle of that walk thanks to a horsefly that decided it needed to bite my calves. I couldn't outrun it so I decided to kill it. I failed, but I did manage to catch it twice and after the second time it eluded my foot when I threw it down on the pavement, it left me alone. So, I now need to make myself do the weekday runs this week, and do 14 this weekend. In less than 5 weeks, this will all be over. No more long runs. Until the Tar Heel 10 Miler.
I decided to revive my themed posting days. Mainly I am just trying to force myself to post every day again and do so in ways that aren't snarky criticisms. Because I have a load of those I could write. But anyway, this is kind of a "long story" version of how my marathon training is going. And it isn't going well. With Karyn gone, I really don't have that same accountability to git 'er dun, and plus I spent a few Saturday morning in Al-Anon meetings. It's just so much harder to get up and run on a Sunday morning. So, Brenda called me Sunday and started off asking me about how my training was going. I was honest with her, and so she let me have it. Hence the title of this post plus she added "You have got to get your full long runs in. At least 18." *sigh* Well, this past weekend, I only ran a 10k. And it hurt because I slept in all weekend the previous weekend and didn't get a single run in during the week. Brenda decided that while she can't run with me here, she can run when I run and I gotta run when she runs. Well, she ran yesterday but I told her up front that's a rest day. Or it was. I will get back into the Monday runs. But I will run with the Tribe this evening. And, I will run either tomorrow or Thursday evening. Or maybe both since she made sure to tell me that it is better to do 3 runs during the week. And I HAVE to do 18 this weekend. Now, all that said, the hubster is willing to run with me, and has come on most of my long runs since Karyn moved. There is a big difference though. Karyn is a speed demon who would run off and leave me (and I am ok with that), but that would keep me running because I knew the faster I finished, the less time she had to wait on me to finish. I don't really have that with James. Yes, he will push me and encourage me, but he will also let me drop to a walk. I'm not yet to the point that I can run again once I walk. BUT. I always have a but to put in any excuse. lol I told Brenda about how if I start walking I am done and can't run again. She said, "You know that's mental too, right?" Ugh. Well, yeah. I hadn't really thought about that, but it is. She said she used to be the same way, but now she can walk for a little bit and then be able to run again. She didn't get on me about this, but she also mentioned eating and drinking right. I have not been drinking water like I should ever since I started taking the "happy pills." So I have to force myself to drink more water. I know my diet could be better, and I have been cutting out the junk food I was eating. Overall, my training thus far has been a big epic fail. With 5 1/2 weeks left, I may or may not be able to run 26.2 miles, but I will give it a go. Because I paid for it already. ;)
I still have a love/hate relationship with running. It still takes a lot to get out there and do it, and I still usually hate it while I am running. Especially for the first 2 miles. Yet I still sign up for races knowing full well that I run slower than most and so won't even place, let alone win. But I like the shirts and cups, and love getting finisher's medals. And I love the feeling of actually finishing. I've run 2 half marathons so far. 13.1 miles is a long way to run when you want to quit before finishing the first mile. I am planning on running a full marathon in October. By planning, I mean I have registered. I want to put a 26.2 sticker on my car along with the 13.1 sticker. And Karyn says I am a machine for being able to finish runs I haven't properly trained for. That would really be both halfs. I did better training for the first half, but I went straight from not being able to run past 9 miles to the 12 mile run. That was also the half that I asked Karyn for an epidural about a half mile from the finish. The second half I should not have been able to finish due to lack of training. I have also gotten through 2 10Ks by reminding myself of that 13.1 sticker on my car. "You've run 13.1 miles; you can run 6.2!" So, yeah. I'm ready to make the 26.2 leap. Once anyway. ;) It will be different, for sure. I can run 13.1 without having to refuel, but I know I will need to eat something during a full to replenish. I know I will have to be diligent about training. Not just the runs themselves, but running with "supplies" for refueling. With proper training, there is no reason short of injury or illness that I shouldn't be able to finish - even if I have to walk (or crawl). Funny thing is, sometimes I think I have been learning more about my walk with Christ from running than I managed to pick up otherwise. I have not fallen during a run (yet), but I know it is a matter of time. I saw a lady go down right in front of me during the last half, and she got right back up and proceeded to pass me again. :) This would correspond pretty directly to what Paul says about looking forward and forgetting what is behind. I'm going to trip and fall on my face, repeatedly, but that is not where I am to stay.
13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14, ESV)Training for a long run involves a lot of running with gradually adding distance to build up the muscle and endurance. Properly hydrating is also necessary as well as eating foods that provide energy and promote healing. Even with all the training, and even training hills, sometimes you find yourself in a race with a hill from hell. This is a hill that may or may not be steep, but it seems to just go on forever and ever as if you are never going to reach the top. Sometimes trials feel like the never-ending hill, and just wear you down no matter how you try to be diligent in prayer and bible study. Sometimes, rather than a "traditional trial," it can be a struggle with overcoming a particular sin that can feel like that never-ending hill. I have found myself here lately. I know much of what is going on is spiritual warfare, but I also know I alone am responsible for my actions and/or inaction. I've been tripping and falling repeatedly, but kept getting back up and running. But then I hit the wall. And when I hit the wall, I realized that when I thought I should share what was going on with my close friends that I should have actually done it. But then I still waited before I did it. And it's still a problem like a never ending hill. :sigh: Update: I meant to credit the title before publishing. I "stole" the title from the sermon notes I took during a sermon preached at newhope church. And because I didn't have the notes in front of me when I finally finished this post (after about 4 weeks), I don't even remember what sermon series it was (pretty sure it was Joyride) or if it was Pastor Benji or Pastor Chad that preached it.
I am in a much better mental state than I was yesterday so maybe I will do more of a race recap. Ok, maybe I am not in a better mental state, but I can write more about race day without being snarky and judgmental, and maybe purge some of the angst from myself so I can write about what I really want to write about. I can't tell you how much I love having heated seats. You really can't beat them when you are wearing running tights and your butt is cold. This is one of the reasons I drive us to races. Karyn has fallen in love with my seats too. :) But that really isn't all that relevant. I just want to express how much I am thankful for heated seats. I bought a parking pass when I registered, and was so glad because I wasn't up for a shuttle to/from NetApp to the race site. I get motion sickness, and bus rides are pure torture for me. Anyway, so we head up there and I am thinking that I know what road to turn onto from Hwy 55, but I was wrong and so we had a little not so scenic side trip before I stopped and looked at the directions again. Anyway, so we get there, and the lot was nearly full, and as the guy was directing me into a slot, a car whipped in behind him and got it. It was the last slot, too. The guys manning the traffic at the street had let 2 cars into the lot more than there were slots for. These things happen, and they are just volunteers. I ain't hatin'. Except on the person who slot blocked me. Anyway, the 2 of us extra vehicles got to park in VIP parking. "Yo, VIP!" I actually ate some of the gummy fuel things they were giving out. I keep pretending that didn't happen as I know they are just sweetened chemicals. So really, eating the gluteny pizza was not the only "food" fail. And then there was the stop at Starbucks afterwards. And why can't every Starbucks make a triple venti caramel macchiato with extra caramel the same? Tasted great last week on post. Tasted like mostly espresso there. Eh, what do you do? Did I mention I could barely walk yesterday? I'm still sore today, but mainly in my back. I really really hate this "song" and always have, but since I referenced it...
Karyn and I did our 2nd race of the 13 in 2013 Saturday, and it was one of those where we were so glad it was just a 5k. It was cold, and it rained. We sat in the parking lot for about half an hour trying to either force ourselves out or take a nap. Pre-race: We are always all smiles before the race, and she said we should start taking pictures after the races when the smiles are gone. You can check out the Miles for Missions race photos on Facebook and find photos of us crossing the finish line and see for yourself the absence of smile and the grimace of beat the clock. Anyway, that whole race sucked because the combination of rain and cold. It would have been a great race otherwise because while there were a couple long hills, they weren't steep. Right away I picked out someone and determined that she was not going to beat me. I was going to catch up, and pass. Only she was smoking me, and I wanted to quit. But then this young girl who I estimate was about 10, started pushing me, and pacing me. Now when I say pacing, I mean she would sprint for a while and then walk. Hills, you know. ;) She was very encouraging, and kept me going. And then the lady I said wasn't going to beat me, dropped to a walk, and as I passed her, I took the time to say, "Come on, you got this!" That was Molly speaking through me. :) I did end up beating her by a few seconds, but I waited in the rain at the finish line for her to high-five her because she was a trooper. And I picked up one of her gloves that she dropped, and wanted to return it to her. lol And after we made it inside I made sure to find that little girl and thank her for keeping me going. Yeah, she took off and left me during the last stretch. ;) We were so soaked. Despite my efforts to avoid big puddles, my feet still got soaked. My torso stayed dry(ish) because of the poncho, but that was all that was dry. I didn't have a chipped bib (registration fail on my part), so my only "official" time was me eyeballing the clock as I crossed the finish line at exactly 37 minutes, which I was trying to beat from the time I got close enough to focus on the clock and see that it was 36:20. I guess my push wasn't all that. But I had soggy feet. Yeah, that's it. ;) 2 weeks in a row it has rained on Saturday. I hope we get a dry Saturday this weekend for our 11 miler.