I skipped a tribe run yesterday. I brought my running clothes to work to change into. I even made sure I had a yellow shirt to run in for the Boston Marathon bombing (I wore a blue shirt to work), and that my iPod was charged, and that I had my hat, and my watch. (Stop judging my sentence structure.) I only half listened to my mom on the phone while trying to invent an excuse to give to Karyn who had a good reason to skip the run. But, I couldn’t really come up with anything and just went on home resigning myself to tell the truth. I didn’t feel like running. And I am glad I didn’t.
I got to sit and listen to my daughter tell me about having to both play AND sing in front of her class, and how scared she was. She said she had to stop at one point because she was shaking so bad, shake out her hands and pick back up. I know what it’s like to stand in front of people playing and singing and shaking like a leaf the whole time. I am so proud of her for having the courage to do it in spite of her fear (which I couldn’t do at 16).
I got to spend some time with my son trying to find super glue. Ok, he was looking for it and I was just telling him where it wasn’t. And to not eat my chips.
I got to sit down with the hubby for a little while after he showered, and remove 2 thorns from his thumb. Contain yourselves. Very exciting, I know. But he can’t see well enough to get them out himself, and since I wear these handy-dandy progressives, I can see well enough.
And then I sat/laid (I was going back and forth between the 2 on the bed) and read. And the book tore me down, and led to exposing an idol which led to a time of prayer of repentance, which gave me an area where I could affirm and encourage my husband…which was itself an answer to a prayer.
So, yeah, I am glad I skipped out on the run, because the time with my family was much more rewarding.
And I did 2 pushups before I went to bed, so I did do some exercise.
I generally try to come up with a title and write around it. That doesn’t always work out so well, and is often why I end up not writing at all. Eh, whatever. This time, though, I know what I want as title because it is the subject of what I want to write about. And for some reason, thinking “Something is missing” reminds me of that scene from Star Trek: Generations when Picard meets Kirk in the Nexus. And as an aside, I generally don’t think the odd numbered Star Trek movies are all the great. This was #7. But it’s Kirk, and I am digressing.
Over a 9 day span, I had migraines for 7 of the days. I have never had migraines like that. They weren’t so bad I couldn’t go to work, but while I forced myself to work, that was the only place I forced myself to. This past Sunday, I finally decided that since I didn’t have anywhere I absolutely had to go, that I would take a valium and see how that worked. All the pain went away, and I sat all afternoon knitting. Ok, not all afternoon. I did get up from time to time and do stuff. And it made me a little dizzy which made me a little sick so it’s not like I want to take it again. However, it confirmed that my migraines were from stress and tension. I already suspected that. Oh, and I haven’t had a migraine since. 3 days straight. Imagine!
But even before the pain lifted, I knew that something had to happen. Something had to change. Petra has quoted this to me time and time again:
for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
(2 Timothy 1:7 ESV)
At least I think that’s the one. Anyway, you would think it would eventually sink into my thick head. But, no, I have to learn the same lessons over and over the hard way. It’s so frustrating, and maddening. I know this stuff. I grew up with it. Why after all these years is it still not sticking?
I’ve noticed that over the past couple of years I have grown less judgemental of non-believers, and have finally got it through my head that not everyone grew up saturated in a “fundamentalist” Baptist church in the Bible belt where most everyone is assumed to at least be a regular church attendee with at least a basic knowledge of the Bible belt legalistic moralism “Christianity.” See what I did there? My judgementalism transferred from non-believers to Christians. I seem to so easily point out what is wrong with other Christians, while still setting myself up in my ivory tower of self-righteouness because I “get it.” Except I didn’t.
Last week it finally sunk in that I was missing something, and it isn’t toast. Something big that was keeping me back and hindering my prayers and keeping me from experience the peace and joy that I am supposed to have. Now I know that doesn’t mean I’m supposed to have a carefree easy life. Jesus didn’t say, “Take up your Lazyboy and chill out” but “Take up your cross and follow me.” I understand what that means, and it is by no means an easy, comfortable life. But yet I still try to control circumstances around me so that life’s easier or so I don’t get hurt. Fear and worry. Lacking trust in the One who is the only one I can trust.
Paul said,
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
(Philippians 4:11-13 ESV)
Contentment escapes me. Even when things are going fairly well, and I feel like I’m getting a breather, something is missing. I have come to the conclusion (partially from judging others for this very thing) that what I am missing is the Holy Spirit. Not that the Holy Spirit isn’t there,
In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit,
(Ephesians 1:13 ESV)
but that I have spent so much of my life working at controlling the circumstances around me that I have missed out on the Spirit’s power in my life. The power to make me content no matter the circumstances. The power to feel peace and joy when the world is falling apart around me. But most of all the power to obey. The power to forgive. The power to love. The power to praise God no matter what, and to trust Him completely with everything. Because He is in control anyway. And this all changed what I prayed for. Because I asked for what I also fear while confessing the fear as I prayed. I mean, it’s not like he doesn’t know. But I can’t overcome the fear without the Spirit either.
I really, really hate having to eat my words. I seem to be doing that on a regular basis lately. Just when I think I have my diet under control, I find out that I don’t. 3 or 4 years ago, my doctor “prescribed” a book for me to read: Eat to Live by Joel Fuhrman, MD. Well, I’ve been reading it for the past 2 or 3 weeks, and am going to have to eat the words, “I can’t go vegetarian, and sure can’t go vegan. Why? Because I am seriously considering going vegan…and raw…like Opal.
I have already been heading that direction anyway, but I read enough about eating meat and its effect on hormone levels (even grass-fed, organic) to first cut way back, with the ultimate intention of cutting all animal completely. And yes, I am still wearing my “I ♥ BACON” lanyard. The changes I have made so far have created the same response my body did last year when I went starch (and gluten) free, only without the withdrawls. haha! But yeah, cheese is BAD to be so yummy…
Whenever I finish the book, I will (maybe) write up a full review with quotes that were the mind changers for me.
My mom turned 80 a week ago, and I flew home over the weekend to attend her birthday party hosted by one of my cousins. Great food, cousins I hadn’t seen in YEARS. My poor kids were overwhelmed by all the family who they didn’t know, but who knew them. I did not take a single picture, and I am waiting for someone to either email some out or post on Facebook. I would poke at them to do so if I could remember who was taking them. lol Just for the record, I have broken another one of my rules. I always said, “The DragonLady doesn’t get on a plane sober,” but I did going and coming. I wasn’t at all comfortable, but I was sober.
I got up and ran 5K Saturday morning from my mom’s. That was the craziest run I have had so far. I was fine running down to Uncle Fred & Aunt Becky’s, and I was fine running to the old school, but from that point on, every time I ran uphill, I thought I was going to poop. (That’s your TMI for today.) I mean, it was crazy, and I didn’t think I would ever get that last 400 meters done. Pretty sure the chick on Nike+ said “100 meters left” twice. And once I was done, I couldn’t go. Weird.
I lost 3 pounds during week 1 of Jess’s Marathon Weight Loss Challenge.
It probably would have been more had it not been for the birthday party, and that moment of weakness when I drank a Dr. Pepper. But, it’s all good because I met my 3rd milestone and went under 180. I began reading Eat to Live since my doctor “prescribed” it 3 or 4 years ago. So far it is reinforcing everything I have researched and fell upon since going gluten free and then going natural(ish).
After waking up sick yesterday morning, I ended up calling in and went back to bed and slept until 10:30am. I think maybe I was just exhausted and dehydrated because when I got up that second time, I ate and drank a bunch of water, and then felt fine by 3pm. So about 7, I decided I could try a run, and I ran 4.55 miles. I probably could have run farther, but I told the kids before I left that it shouldn’t take me more than an hour. The first mile felt good, I wanted to quit the entire second mile, I wanted to quit for half of the 3rd mile, and then I just kept telling myself that I could make it back to the church. Once there, I told myself I could make it to the 4 mile mark, and at that point I was confident I could make it home. I was feeling real good once I made it back.
And I am now training for the half marathon in November. Karyn sent me the 20 week training plan she is following, which this would be week 19 and I’ve not been exact, and still won’t be since I have a 5k next week, but it will be ok. I think.
I am sick, and sick enough to call in sick. However, I still have to get the kids up for school which means I need to stay awake (conscious) for another hour. Might as well do a randomish list blog.
1. So the dandruff problem that I have always had that got a lot worse in my mid 20′s seems to be an allergic reaction…to high fructose corn syrup. Since my food detox, I have been experimenting with foods. The itchiness (which was really bad when it was fully flaired), had mostly gone away and I couldn’t see the hot spots around my scalp line anymore. I tried some gluten-filled (read yummy) bread last weekend, and while I did have a reaction, it was solely digestive reaction. Thursday, however, I had a caramel macchiato from Starbucks. Their caramel sauce has HFCS. I nearly clawed my scalp off Friday morning it was so itchy.
2. A cat in heat is disgusting. Dogs too, but in different ways. Female cats are hoes.
3. I watched ObscuraOddities with the hubby nearly all day yesterday. Oh.My. There are some weird folks out there. Yes, I toned that description way down.
4. I’ve probably said this before, but it bears repeating. I hate to puke. I suffered a no-warning, immediate projectile vomit yesterday morning while taking my garlic. Out of sheer laziness I was standing in front of and facing the sink. I didn’t want to get anything more than the knife dirty while cutting it up, so I stood there to cut it up in my hand. The hubby witnessed it, and was extremely amused. I was not so amused.
5. I love trying new foods. I’ve still been trying new recipes, and ran across a bunch of duds. Some of the duds can be altered in a way that will make them pretty tasty.
6. I see roosters. They are everywhere. I always smile when I drive by this place:
They sold the huge one.
7. Seriously doubts that I will manage 20 books by Easter. I’ve managed 3, and one of those only because I happened to have a book at work and had to escort some folks working on equipment in the server room. Time is not on my side.
8. Failed to do a real pushup by this past Friday. Close, but it will likely be this week before I can drop all the way and push back up.
9. Started listening to country music after swearing to myself I wouldn’t ever do it. This is college-era, and I include it because of the post title…which put the song in my head.
10. Did not and will not proofread anything I have written in this post. haha
I figured I would put up my reading list. Some of these have some explanation like why I started reading it, but haven’t finished it yet.
This was a study we did at church with the “young” women. I quote the word “young” because I was the old head in the group. The rest of the ladies are young. Anyway, we only got up to a point and the class has been put on hold, and I figured I’d go ahead and finish the book even though I was at least 75% through it. Will likely be finished tonight.
I was actively reading this, but wasn’t half way. Hit the halfway mark last night.
I don’t pass up a freebie, and I got this as a free Kindle download. No, I don’t have a Kindle or a Nook, but I have the Kindle and Nook apps on my pc. I got through 2 chapters, and wasn’t finding it overly interesting compared to, oh, spider solitaire.
This is actually 3 books in one. I’ve already read Chosen by God, so that makes me 1/3 finished with this, and it’s the 2nd book.
I started this and have no idea why I put it aside.
I read Bringing up Girls, and it was pretty interesting read. I was having a hard time getting into this one, and sat it aside.
I kept waiting for this one to get easier to read.
Interesting, but technical. I put this one aside when I went back to grad school. About 75% through it also.
Interesting, but a hard read.
I bought this on my fail vacation last summer.
I am 99% sure I have read this book. I read one of her books when I was around 12, and this title sounds more familiar than The Hiding Place.
This isn’t officially on my 20 by Easter reading list. However, since I never got around to reading this (grad school), and it’s actually 5 books in one volume, I am putting it up as backup in case I can’t manage one or more of the above books.
The more I look at my list, the more I think I should have left the challenge at 10 books in March.
And why can’t I just leave a challenge as it stands and not up the ante? So here’s the deal. My friend Molly put up a challenge to read 10 books in March. I am totally up for that since I gave up gaming for lent (and I can’t tell you how hard it was not to play spider solitaire last night or this morning), so I should be able to fill that void with reading. So I went through the books I have listed in Goodreads, and wrote down the ones I have either started or haven’t read at all yet. That would be 20. Actually, it’s probably 19 as I have 2 Corrie Ten Boom books listed, and one of them I read when I was around 12, but I can’t remember which one I read. Since I have started reading 8 of those books, and just need to finish them, I have decided that I am going to complete my list of 20 by Easter. That’s 6 1/2 weeks…with no naps…
Challenge #1: 20 books by Easter.
Now that I have lost 20 pounds, and it is actually noticeable now, I need to start working on core training to tone, build up muscle, and absolutely do something about the fat between my underarms and boobs. That fat goes away most effectively with pushups. I haven’t been able to do a real pushup in years. When I got out of the military I could only do 1. Yes, that is pathetic. I never was in danger of maxing out on pushups, but in my younger years, I was always able to do between 10 and 20. So my next challenge has to do with pushups, and is a 2-part.
Challenge #2a: 1 real pushup by March 2.
Challenge #2b: 10 real pushups by March 31.
Back in the Air Force, I ballooned up dangerously close to my max weight after I quit smoking. Rather than risking being put on the fat girl program (and having less than a year left and refusing to buy new uniforms), I started taking my fat arse to the gym. I went every weekday afternoon and still remember my routine:
Monday: Stationary bike (because that’s what we were PT tested on) and weights.
Tuesday: Elliptical and crunches.
Wednesday: Rowing, stair stepper, or treadmill (depending on my mood) and weights.
Thursday: Same as Tuesday
Friday: Same as Monday.
I wasn’t really dieting at the time. I gave up chips, but I think that was it. Hence, it took a full year to lose 20 pounds. Now that I have identified my comfort food addiction, and cut out the addictive foods (mainly pastas and breads), I somewhat have a handle on my diet and have lost 20 pounds in about 4 months, predominantly through diet. I say that because I haven’t done crossfit in months, and haven’t managed more than 2 runs a week if that. In fact, I haven’t run in over 2 weeks now. So my next challenge is exercise related.
Challenge #3: Cardio and core at least 3 times a week…each.
