Archive for the Humor Category

Maniacal Monday #24

Here's how this day has gone so far. I get to Starbucks this morning, and one of the baristas came up and said "Good morning Martha! What would you like this morning?" Me: "Valium." And she started to pull out a cup before she realized what I said. She got a good laugh as I handed her my cup and said blonde. I am quite sore today. I'm thinking maybe I did too much over the weekend. First, I got glutened Friday at lunch. Usually I can get away with fajitas at the Mexican restaurants with no ill effects. Without the tortillas, of course. But they were crazy busy, and I ate one of Walter's shrimps trying to make him out to be a wimp because no way his could have been more spicy than my spicy pumpkin dip. It was a delayed burn, but I have also had what he had and got glutened, so that could have been it. I haven't been horribly effected yet, so it wasn't a big glutening. Since it was extended, I did the Dynamic Duel Canada vs USA 5k Saturday, only as it's own run instead of the previous weekend's combo run. And Saturday's 5k = 5.4 miles. It was painful too. My knees hurt intermittently throughout the entire run. And my time sucked at 44:02. I hope this weekend's 5k is better. I got up yesterday and decided to go on a bike ride since I didn't get around to it Saturday. I went the big loop by Deep River Park which is 11 miles of up and down. The 9.5 mile loop is more down than up. I pushed up the hill-to-be-conquered. I made a lot of stops. I nearly had to stop and puke around mile 3. But I got it done, and have been in pain ever since. Everything hurts. We (hubs and I) went grocery shopping Saturday. The big just got paid trip. I needed some guitar strings and new picks, and also needed shampoo specifically from Target, so I planned out an Apex trip. We get to QuarterNote Music, and I did so well staying on target for strings and picks. Got 'em, paid for 'em, and as I was walking out the door, I looked back and saw 6 or 7 electric guitars on sale. They were all used, and 3 of them were under $100. So, yeah, I almost made it out the door with only what I went in for. I told the lady checking me out that it just became the answer to either fixing or replacing my old one. I'm still going to get the old one fixed. It has too much sentimental value. :) But, the new one sounds so much better and it is so easy to play. I spent several hours playing and tweeking to get just the right sound. Right for me that is. ;) All this while the kids each had a friend over. Chad said he was pretty embarrassed when I was singing We Got the Beat. LOL! Then we went to Target, aka Targzhay. This was where James got to witness first hand the type of thing that happens to me when I am out somewhere. I was wearing my "Run and Eat Cupcakes" shirt from last year's cupcake virtual 5k because I was intending to go biking when we got back home. Apparently wearing that shirt in public means getting stopped by a random stranger to talk about it. I'm starting to notice a pattern when I wear race shirts in public. I can't consistently blend in and not be noticed. Then again, it really doesn't matter what I wear. I rarely get in and out of a store without another customer asking me something or just striking up a conversation. Also being an amazon woman, I am often asked to get stuff from top shelves. I complain, but I know it's good for keeping my social anxiety from completely taking over me. Grading. So, Jamie finally got her work done from week before last. :sigh: With all the shopping, and kids over, and playing with my new toy, I didn't get any of Jamie's work graded Saturday. By the time I slept in and did my bike ride yesterday, I had just enough time before church to do laundry and clean myself. Yes, I had to do laundry before I could shower because Connor was still over, and so wearing a bra was a necessity. But then after I got the clothes in the washer, everybody was gone. Chad went to the mall with Alex, James went to Lee & Rachel's, and Jamie and Connor left and went to his house leaving me alone in the glorious silence again. I sat and basked in that a while, and also farted around on Facebook and Twitter. So it was after church before I looked at Jamie's stuff, and decided to put off the grading, and just make out a new schedule. Immediately, I realized that grading was necessary because she has a test today and tomorrow. So I had to grade English and Algebra II. I could have graded Physical Science also, but I put that off because I was so tired and hurting and Sushi kept jumping up on the desk and laying on the answer key and I still had to put my laundry away because it was on the bed. So, yeah, I skipped the science, put away the laundry and went to bed.

Funday Friday #23

I had a small breakthrough this week. I found one of my pairs of arch supports, and started wearing them Wednesday. I had no lower back pain yesterday after I put my shoes on, and have had none at all today. Now maybe I will be motivated to go find the other pair or 2 I own. Along with that one pair of boots I can't seem to find. Speaking of Wednesday. The hubster went to court again Wednesday morning, and has yet another continuance. :sigh: But, this time his lawyer was not feeling well, and James said he looked really bad up close, so probably a good thing. But there was a good photo op in the parking lot. James spotted it, and we both found it funny. Yes, it is juvenile. Whatevs. ;) I'm about to make some dietary changes...again. Breakfast will not be the same. On the other hand, I should really pick up the phone and make an appointment with Dr Garlick to get some testing done. For your daily TMI, you get another little work story. I came back from the bathroom this morning and said to the other female in the office, "That was round one. Consider that a warning." A few minutes later, she gets up, and then comes back and says, "Martha!" To which I responded, "What? I warned you." Apparently she didn't wait long enough. And she knew I had chili last night. lol Evie won't bite anybody or anything. Except Jamie. I think instead of running a 5k in the morning, I will run "the loop" which is 3.4 miles. Because I haven't run it in a while. And I need to get in some hills before next weekend's 5k. I need a haircut. KitKat has stopped sleeping on the ledge and falling off. She is napping in my office again. Amber acts like she thinks KitKat is a male and seems to be trying to seduce her. SMH. Tiger might have hit it the other day. :-/ But last night Tiger just smelled her and then ran off. KitKat is the only one that's been fixed. The rest of them need fixing. I will gladly let someone pay for that. ;) I guess this is all I got. The following was in the recommended videos when I got the link for Jamie and Evie, and I found it hilarious. :)

Funday Friday #22

TGIF. I say that like I have a nice relaxing weekend in store. lol This has been a crazy busy week. Again. And it's going to be a busy weekend. And I really need to make time for an Al-Anon meeting. Karyn and Molly double-teamed me with 5ks this week. One is a virtual, and therefore I am going to do The Dynamic Duel Canada vs USA 5k in conjunction with Run to Reclaim 5K. Because that's how I roll. And plus, I haven't run at all in like 6 weeks, and Saturday is my only free day to run unless I get a wild hair and do a run during lunch next week. Anyway, running 2 5ks tomorrow just won't happen. Probably. ;) I'm playing Sunday which means I'll be at church almost all day. I'm actually looking forward to it. Rehearsal went great, and I left feeling just so pumped. KitKat is still falling off the landing. OH! I killed a HUGE spider Tuesday morning and didn't even scream first. This was quite an accomplishment. Both for not screaming and for actually killing it myself. James has since referred to it as a tarantula, but it wasn't quite that big. Then yesterday morning as I got out of the shower and started drying off, I felt something stick into my hand. I looked and saw legs and immediately knew I'd just been bitten by a black widow. So I shook out the towel before finally dropping it to the floor, and then the culprit emerged. It was a red wasp, and it much have just barely stung me because it really didn't hurt that bad. I also don't have the huge red swollen area that follows a sting. Just a little swelling, but it itches like crazy now. I might feel a little like honey badger. My kids. photo(1) They decided to fight over the front seat. Please take note of where we were. That's a mausoleum behind them. :rolleye: Being mom of the year, I took a picture. No one was actually injured, though they did both end up in the front seat wrestling over it. There was no punching or scratching or hair pulling. It ended when I finally said "Enough!" and made Chad get in the back seat because Jamie had called front before we even stopped. You may (or may not) ask why we were at a cemetery. On the way to their counseling appointments (which only I had to attend), Chad asked what the big building was in the cemetery we passed. I told him a mausoleum, which I then had to tell him what that was and that I would stop by on the way back home. One of them asked why we don't have any crypts here in the states, and I told them mausoleums were essentially crypts, just not underground. I tried to find a really cool video to end with, and was not disappointed. Ok, it might not be cool, but it is hilarious.

Maniacal Monday #21

Know how to start a Monday off right? Oversleep. Slept right through the alarm (or hit snooze in my sleep), and was awakened by the dogs barking 15 min after I should have been at work. Fun times. I finally finished the VIRTUAL RIDE for breast cancer hosted by Run with Jess this weekend. 31 miles of during October, and a lot of butt pain. lol I did manage to take a picture while I was riding during my second ride (the 12.5 mile one): photo 1 Less than 4 miles into and I was already in pain. And I'm pretty sure I was even rolling downhill when I snapped it. ;) I rode 11 miles on Saturday, and that was all I could do. That left me 4.1 miles to finish yesterday, and as soon as I sat down on that seat I knew that was going to be a long 4.1 miles with a sore butt. But, after about a mile, my butt didn't hurt so bad. Probably because my legs started to hurt worse. haha After it was over, I had the hubby snap a shot of me on my bike with the medal, because who doesn't love bling? photo3-smaller Now I have to start running again since I have a 5k coming up next month and a 12k in December. I had to ask a question of Jamie this weekend. "Do you want to graduate on time, or do you want to do summer school or another year of school?" She's 2 weeks behind, Chad is 4 weeks behind. Craziness. I've cut off internet for both. James said yesterday that they needed gas for their mopeds, and I told him I had been deliberately not getting more gas for them for the same reason they have no internet. And since he isn't making them do their work which is the whole reason he isn't working at a real job that actually pays, I have a fun-filled pending talk to have with him. Anywho, Amber tore up my hand yesterday while we played. I didn't realize the damage until I put on lotion and it burned us. I was very amused at KitKat's ungraceful falling off of things she was sleeping on over the weekend.

Maniacal Monday #17

It's been a while. I put off writing something I wanted to write about, and now I've decided that if I do write about it, it will be all snarky and end up with me being exactly what I want to rail against. So now you get a list post of catch up material. You know, for the 2 or 3 of you who still keep up. ;) 1. Rather than doing a recap (way after the fact), you will get the Reader's Digest version of the last race. The Wednesday (I think) following the Ninja Challenge, Karyn dropped a link to a race on my Facebook wall for that Saturday. Thinking "It's only a 5K," I signed up for it (and the hubby too). Who knew that on May 25 we would wake up to temp in the low/mid-40s(F)? 972364_587372364637110_532879231_n It was a trail, not real rough, but not real smooth and way more hills than I wanted to do. I struggled. Bad. Then as we were coming in to the finish line, a chick who had walked much of the course (ok, maybe she didn't, but every time I had seen her prior she was walking) passed us running to the finish. I decided that she was NOT going to beat me, and busted out into a sprint to the finish line. Karyn was shocked to see that kind of speed come out of me though I am sure I wasn't going near as fast as I felt. LOL 2. The first weekend in June, the hubby went to a small music festival that a friend of his hosts every year. He came back and told me "I brought you something." I got all excited thinking he got me some of that fantastic homemade wine, but it was a small (roughly half-pint) jar of moonshine. :-/ If you like sourmash, it was good. I don't, but I drank it anyway 'cause that's how I roll. And not in one day either. Then 2 or 3 days after the festival I come home, and he opens up the front door, and this ran out: photo(6) Yes, he brought home another dog under the reasoning that someone else wanted a dog like that. Her name is Precious, and yes, we still have her. :sigh: KitKat is not amused. photo(7) 3. Tiger and Sushi are doing really well. They got totally eaten up with fleas, and we undertook chemical warfare this weekend to rid them and the dogs of the flea menace. KitKat kept herself well hidden and managed to (so far) escape bath time and/or dusting. She isn't likely to get a bath because despite her fat, she is quite nimble and not afraid to sink her claws to the bone. 4. Friday night I sent Karyn a text asking her if she was up for 10 miles on the American Tobacco Trail (ATT) in the morning. She said no, but that she needed to. So I asked her if it would help that we only had to run 7. :) So we go out there, and if she hadn't been going, I would have gone back to bed. But, it turned out to be a much better run than I was expecting. Just after the 3 mile marker I met Karyn on her way back, and told her I had improved my 3 mile time. I was feeling great and kicking it. And then I hit a stretch of trail that wasn't shaded and nearly died. And had to run back through that stretch after the turnaround. But I got my third wind around mile 5, and even after sprinting the last tenth of a mile, I felt like I could keep going. However, I was very glad I didn't have to! Twice during the run I had to stop and rake pea gravel out of my shoes, only the second time when I did the rake, I nearly cried when I realized that was NOT a rock, but was a blister. Evidently I can no longer wear the really short running socks. 5. Father's Day was rough this year. For me. I might write specifically about why at some point. 6. June 9 I had to take Chad to pick up a game we preordered on his birthday. This year his birthday gift was one that just keeps on taking, and I'll have some more pain in August or September when the other one comes in that I preordered for him. Anyway, since Starbucks was right there I "needed" to stop. Now Saturday morning when I picked up Karyn, I told her that we would be going to Starbucks after the run. And when I ordered (at the drive through) the dude who took my order was very friendly and Karyn made note of it. So I then told her about the stop with Chad because that dude was just as wacky friendly. Which is fine. It's entertaining. What wasn't entertaining on the 9th was when the dude handed me my coffee and hesitated over the handoff as our hands were (awkwardly) touching. aOqoxMr_700b 7. Heh

Recap part deux

I am in a much better mental state than I was yesterday so maybe I will do more of a race recap. Ok, maybe I am not in a better mental state, but I can write more about race day without being snarky and judgmental, and maybe purge some of the angst from myself so I can write about what I really want to write about. I can't tell you how much I love having heated seats. You really can't beat them when you are wearing running tights and your butt is cold. This is one of the reasons I drive us to races. Karyn has fallen in love with my seats too. :) But that really isn't all that relevant. I just want to express how much I am thankful for heated seats. I bought a parking pass when I registered, and was so glad because I wasn't up for a shuttle to/from NetApp to the race site. I get motion sickness, and bus rides are pure torture for me. Anyway, so we head up there and I am thinking that I know what road to turn onto from Hwy 55, but I was wrong and so we had a little not so scenic side trip before I stopped and looked at the directions again. Anyway, so we get there, and the lot was nearly full, and as the guy was directing me into a slot, a car whipped in behind him and got it. It was the last slot, too. The guys manning the traffic at the street had let 2 cars into the lot more than there were slots for. These things happen, and they are just volunteers. I ain't hatin'. Except on the person who slot blocked me. Anyway, the 2 of us extra vehicles got to park in VIP parking. "Yo, VIP!" I actually ate some of the gummy fuel things they were giving out. I keep pretending that didn't happen as I know they are just sweetened chemicals. So really, eating the gluteny pizza was not the only "food" fail. And then there was the stop at Starbucks afterwards. And why can't every Starbucks make a triple venti caramel macchiato with extra caramel the same? Tasted great last week on post. Tasted like mostly espresso there. Eh, what do you do? Did I mention I could barely walk yesterday? I'm still sore today, but mainly in my back. I really really hate this "song" and always have, but since I referenced it...

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This is to attempt to make up for Safety Dance.

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[caption id="attachment_946" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Honey badger won't get stung by this cobra..."][/caption]

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