Archive for the Confessional Category

Surprise visits

By on February 4, 2012

This post is brought to you today because of a Facebook message thread (note: not a public thread) where there was a discussion of someone’s house not being “company ready.” I said “Whatever” followed by “Did I ever tell you about the first 2 visits we got from NLPC?” NLPC = New Life Praise Church = where we go. Anyway, she said, “no, you’ll have to give me those stories! ha!” Now with this in mind, there was some discussion a few days prior about “being real” and “masks” and, well, this is kind of me putting my “ugly” out there.


You can click on the image for the larger size if you just have to go looking for cobwebs. ;)

So this was made Christmas ’07. I think. It’s main purpose is to show the old sectional…for scale. Note that right there in the middle of the floor is a big mess. I decorated for Christmas, but never bothered to put the containers away turning them into a “catch-all” spot. Also notice the dog. That’s Buster as a puppy. His middle name is Deuce because he was always dropping one behind furniture. He is also a big outside dog now. Anyway, a couple of weeks after that Christmas we started attending NLPC.

I’m not sure how long we had been going before we got the visit. One Tuesday night, the dogs started barking, and we heard car doors (plural) outside. One of the Tuesday night visitation teams made a trip to visit us. I know it was Charlie and Sylvia, but I can’t remember who (if anyone) was with them. What I do remember is the sectional was so covered with stuff (laundry, junk, whatever) that you couldn’t sit on it. Oh, and the Christmas stuff was still sitting there in the middle of the room. I was mortified. I am sure everything in the kitchen was dirty and covering all the counters, and, well, my house was a pig stye. And I swore that it would not ever get that bad again just in case we ever got another unannounced visit.

So a few weeks later, dogs bark, car doors slam, and we have visitors again. This time it was Gerald & Bonnie, and Sylvia. Yes, same Sylvia, and guess what? The house was in just as bad a shape as it was before, except that I had put away the Christmas decorations by that time. That was it. They had seen the real us. I don’t think anyone from church has ever been by that the house wasn’t a wreck. It’s not that we don’t both want a clean house, nor do we not know how to keep a clean house. It’s just overwhelming, and it’s easier to let it go.

As an aside, we no longer have the sectional, and we no longer pile laundry up in the living room. We keep those piles in our bedrooms now. LOL

This entry is filed under Confessional, Life, Photos. | 4 Comments

What I run to

By on January 16, 2012

Why? Because it is a post, and this list totally dates me. Yes, I sing many of these at my daughter when she runs with me. :)

Freak Like Me – Sugababes
Round Round – Sugababes
Walking on Sunshine – Katrina & the Waves
Welcome To The Jungle – Guns N’ Roses
Paradise City – Guns N’ Roses
Sweet Child O’ Mine – Guns N’ Roses
Back In Black – AC/DC
You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC
The Power Of Love – Huey Lewis & The News
Song 2 – Blur
Layla – Derek & The Dominos
China Grove – The Doobie Brothers
Long Train Runnin’ – The Doobie Brothers
Listen To The Music – The Doobie Brothers
Humans Being – Van Halen (Van Hagar)
Love Is a Battlefield – Pat Benatar
Invincible – Pat Benatar
Authority Song – John Mellencamp
Dancing in the Dark – Bruce Springsteen
Glory Days – Bruce Springsteen
The Boys of Summer – Don Henley
Mr. Roboto – Styx
Monkey Wrench – Foo Fighters
Love Shack – The B-52′s
Long Distance Winner – Stevie Nicks
Gold – Stevie Nicks
Light of day – Joan Jett
Go Insane – Lindsey Buckingham
Refugee – Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
Runnin’ Down a Dream – Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
Let’s Go Crazy – Prince
1999 – Prince

This entry is filed under Confessional, Humor, Life. | 4 Comments

Against the wind

By on January 3, 2012

I cannot be held responsible if a Bob Seger song is now stuck in your head.

Party animal that I am, I went running New Year’s Eve around the community where I live. I have a 3.4 mile loop on some back roads where there normally isn’t a lot of traffic, so I can stay on the pavement most of the time. Being a loop, I get to run in every direction at some point, and on the second straight(ish) stretch, I was facing the wind. I was already sucking because I forgot to use my inhaler, but it was made worse trying to run against the wind when I didn’t have much breath left anyway. It wasn’t long before I wanted to just stop.

I started to write this post when I got back home from that run. I got 2 paragraphs written, and then chickened out and deleted it. See, it’s also hard to run while sobbing. I said to a friend something to the effect of “I wonder just how broken I have to be.” Apparently just a bit more. I had a breakdown about 4 weeks or so ago, and I’ve been in the dark pit of depression ever since. Drowning in despair. Angry, and then numb. I’m pretty sure I have cried more in the past week than my whole life. That may or may not be an exaggeration. I’ve prayed, I’ve poured over and through my Bible, I’ve confided in friends who are praying for me, and yet, there is still this overwhelming darkness closed in around me, and I can’t breathe.

But I keep going.

During that run, when I couldn’t breathe, and couldn’t stop crying, I still had to get back home. So I dropped from a run to a walk, and kept going forward.

Yes, I went there. You’re welcome. :)

I am going through the motions. Fake it ’til ya make it. I am full of doubt, and nearly empty of faith. But I know I can’t trust my feelings, well, ever really, but especially now. It’s not my first battle with depression, even though I would call it my worst.

James 1:2-3 New King James Version (NKJV)

2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

I have to be patient, which does not come easy. The light will once again shine into the darkness, and I will keep seeking it…runnin’ on empty, against the wind.

This entry is filed under Confessional, Faith, Life, Trust. | 4 Comments

Guilty pleasures

By on December 3, 2011

It was a problem. At some point in high school, my best friend got me hooked on Santa Barbara. No, I am not the soap opera watching type. Sure, I did watch General Hospital for a while as a kid, but that was for Rick Springfield only. Clearly, that was a problem, too, given that I was like 10/11 years old at the time I was watching GH. But, I can remember skipping class in college to watch SB, and then getting angry that the “cliff-hanger” wasn’t resolved for like another week. But I digress.

William Shakespeare. We were supposed to read Romeo and Juliet in 10th grade. I never did. I knew the gist of the story. 12th grade I think we had to read Hamlet in AP English? Honestly, I only read 3 of the however many books we were supposed to read in AP, and 2 of those pissed me off because of stupid endings. Actually, those were the first 2 books, and that’s why I refused to read any more. I did read Job (from the Bible), but didn’t really get it. (Because of the languange.) I still have problems getting through Job and I’ve read it 5 times since in 5 different translations. But, again, I digress. I didn’t understand Shakespeare’s plays, and I didn’t get his sonnets either. Nor did I get (for the most part) any other poetry. Yes, I dabbled a bit with writing poetry when I was 18 and idealistic. Before you ask, read that again: “18 and idealistic.”

Now you are probably thinking, “What is your point?” I know. It’s like the “random” posts with paragraphs instead of numbered one/two liners. There is a connection. See, there was a character in Santa Barbara by the name of Mason Capwell who was played by actor Lane Davies for the majority of the soap’s televised life. Mason quoted Shakespeare…a lot…and well. Teenage me was captivated by it, and developed what I dubbed the “Mason Capwell fantasy.” I was particularly enthralled hearing him quote Sonnet 29:

When in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man’s art, and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts my self almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

I didn’t get the sonnet then, and I mostly don’t get it now (because I really don’t care), but to hear him speak it… Ah, I wish I could find a copy of it somewhere out there on the interwebs…

This entry is filed under Confessional, Funday Friday, Humor, Life. | 2 Comments