Lest this become a cooking blog, I will write about something besides food. And I have noticed I have used “lest” a lot lately. Weird. And there will be a certain vagueness to this…specifics withheld to protect the guilty. 😉
Anyway, the lessons are related to a common thing – bitterness and unforgiveness. They go hand in hand with me which is why I referred to them in the singular. And I have been struggling with them, or rather struggling with letting go of them. The unforgiveness feeds the bitterness, and I know they are eating me alive. I know people say “Just let it go,” but it isn’t really just that easy. There is real hurt to contend with. There are unmet expectations to contend with. There is a sense of entitlement to contend with.
I stood in “the confessional” one night (that’s what I named my shower) and was wrestling with the “How much is enough” question. I wasn’t really asking myself, because I knew I had LONG passed the threshold of enough. I got answered, and it wasn’t an answer I wanted to hear. But I could not argue. I had an example that I could not deny nor ignore. No matter if the one prevailing issue never goes away, I can’t give up.
But I had no idea how I was going to cope. The future looked bleak and hopeless. There was no way I could make it. I was going to fail and fail miserably. How can I do it? I can’t let go when it’s constantly thrown in my face. Can I?
Then something happened, and it clicked. It wasn’t something you would expect to be an attitude-changing moment, but yet it was. It happened Sunday, but finally fully sank in today.
Cherish the times that are really, really good-the ones that feel like the “fairy tale”-instead of only focusing on the bad times when your expectations aren’t being met.
In the past few days there have been many “fairy tale” moments. Yeah, they may be just little things, but they still warm the heart. Like sitting in Burger King wanting to wallow in self-pity, but you can’t because your son is talking your ear off and you can’t help but smile. Or you’re sitting in McDonald’s with a splitting headache and your daughter keeps putting her “chicken” nuggets in your face. But mainly when you are sitting there broken, hoping no one else can see that you are trying not to fall apart and your husband reaches over and holds your hand…when he doesn’t ever do that. Dwell on that. Cherish that.
I love the confession type posts. I think they help us get things off our chest in a unique way. That is what I had to do on Saturday and will probably have to continue to do. I love you and keep you in my prayers always!
Yes, it helps to get stuff out, even if one has to leave the office to go out to their car and cry. 😉
That was very touching and so relatable. I think forgiveness is something none of us is really all that good at. I was struggling with it recently myself, and it was dragging on to the point that it felt easier just not dealing with it, but then I realized that I was doing exactly what I wasn’t forgiving my friend for. And so, I decided that I had to be the one to offer the olive branch, but before I could go to her the next morning, she came to me. And it was just that simple, with hardly any words having to be exchanged. We both just knew what was in the other’s heart.
Of course, all situations aren’t that easily repaired. Good for you for choosing to cherish the “fairy tales!”
When I went to the person and confessed I was struggling, it wasn’t very well received at the time. But, I’ve noticed a change in behavior, and more grace extended to me since. Sometimes it’s a process.
Love this! What’s been recently really eye opening for me is when I realized I was holding on to things I thought I had forgiven years ago, & then tried to let go, & it’s not as easy as I thought it should be…
Exactly. Mixed in with the “new” stuff is a bunch of old stuff that I thought I had let go. :-/
1. Nice re-design of the site. Now I can barely make out the words…
2. Cooking? Cooking!? You cook?
3. I don’t check on you often enough. I never know what I’ll find.
4. Someone in Texas prays for you and thinks about you. (and not in a stalking, creepy way).
You are never alone. Never. No matter how low you feel, you are never out of reach.
1. This isn’t a final theme. I’m having issues with it; I just haven’t taken the time to set up another yet.
2. I know. It’s shocking. 🙂
3. And I don’t know from one day to the next what kind of mood I’ll be in or whether I’ll be in a mountain or a valley…or a pit. 😉
4. Thank you Danny. 🙂