I’ve done a few things lately that I swore I’d never do. Like plucking and shaping my eyebrows. I wore my bushy, manly brows like a badge earned from railing against conforming to western feminine culture. But then I decided to get my eyebrow pierced, and one of my coworkers talked me into eyebrow maintenance.

And I haven’t gotten the piercing. Yet.

I also said I would never get back up to 200 pounds. But I did.

It’s not the number on scale so much as the clothes that are no longer fitting, or at least not fitting comfortably. And the reason my spare tire got reinflated is that I stopped eating healthy and running regularly. I stopped being disciplined about my physical health.

It’s a discipline issue.

I was reminded that I know how to eat healthy, and I know how to exercise regularly. I’ve done it before. I lost 40 pounds, and felt great. (Physically) I can do it again, but I have to discipline myself to do it.

I made myself a schedule. That would be another thing I wasn’t ever going to do. Oh, I’ve been all about putting appointments on the calender, but not planning out my days like I did.

Because it seemed legalistic.

I stood at my whiteboard and wrote down everything I have to do every day (critical tasks) and at what times. Like work and sleep. I made those non-negotiables. Although even that is within reason because of Thursday night rehearsal. I’m not getting home before 9pm from rehearsal, and therefore won’t be in bed by 9pm. But that’s also (normally) only twice a month.

I then listed out essentials like church and meetings. I don’t have to do these like I have to go to work, but I am making them non-negotiables nonetheless. My spiritual and emotional health are dependent upon those.

Then I worked in “me time.” These are also non-negotiable because 1) I need alone time to recharge because I am an introvert, 2) I need time for self-care (exercise, meditation, reading), and 3) I have interests that I am going to work on that I need alone time for – like writing.

I even scheduled social time even though church, meetings, and the running club constitute social time also. But it’s a more specific social time like coffee/dinner with friends.

All because in order to do everything I want and need to do for my health, I need some serious discipline. I know me. I know what I do without structure, and it is largely unproductive.

And so now I am telling myself that I should not say, “You will never be able to get your life manageable because you will never be organized.”

I’ve never really tried.