If it’s stuck in my head, you get it, too.

Yes, I’m a fan. Or was a fan. Whatever. She can actually sing as opposed to, oh, say, Britney Spears? Haha Regardless, it is totally relevant.

I think I finally bottomed out. I reached a point yesterday morning that I knew I was done…or undone. I sat in traffic with tears streaming, and sent a one word status update to Facebook.

“can’t”

I knew who would see it and know what it meant, and that they would pray…because I couldn’t. I was spent. All my fight was gone. And then I sat at work all morning feeling as though I was going to implode…physically. I had an appointment that afternoon that was going to be ultra super rough in a dark pit because it’s one that every time I have had one it has been utterly draining.

But something happened around the time of the appointment. I didn’t notice it until much later in the afternoon, but when I did it was like, wow. Huh. How about that…

My husband called me right before lunch, and had a totally different tone from what he had that morning. My appointment lasted about half the time estimated, and was the best one ever. And about an hour and a half later, after I had done some research with a co-worker, it hit me. My head felt kind of clear. As I drove home, it was almost surreal at what songs were popping up on shuffle on my iPod. That those particular songs “randomly” played back-to-back could not possibly have been random. Wow. It was like I drank a Coke, only I didn’t have any soda of any kind. But I was cautious. I could wake up with the fog and darkness back.

But it wasn’t there this morning. In fact, once I took a shower and got kind of awake, I could tell there was no fog. I felt normal again for the first time in what seems like forever. Oh, I didn’t, and still don’t, feel all giggly happy (like I got when I drank those glasses of Coke). But there is a distinct peace that’s back. And I learned something other than sometimes I have to learn the same painful lesson over and over.

I have way more pride than I thought.

There were a bunch of individual things I learned about myself, but they all boil down to pride.

James 5:16 (ESV) 16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

I had to swallow some of that pride, and admit that I was weak, and that I was having a hard time with some specific problems (circumstances and sins) that I couldn’t/wouldn’t let go of in addition to the depression. Or that caused it. I had to let go of a general distrust of people that I have hung on to like Linus holds onto that blanket for years. Maybe that was the part of the lesson. Regardless, I have no doubt that the prayers of those dear friends carried more weight than mine did. There were a few, but Petra and Molly bore the brunt. Thank you for standing in the gap for me. :hugs: