I seem to have a predisposition for clumsiness and poor judgement. So consider this a wall of shame of some of my embarrassing moments. There is mostly physical clumsiness involved, but one does involve an incident with the police.
1. 11th grade. One day I was in a hurry at the end of the school day. I had been out on trip that afternoon with the drama club (Thespians for the cultured – lol), and we got back right as school ended. I was rushing because I wanted to ride home with my friend rather than walk home, so I came out of the auditorium at a run, down the stairs, and 3 steps from the bottom…faceplant…in front of the half of the high school that was walking out to the parking lot…now laughing at my clumsy self. Ok, it wasn’t really a faceplant as I was able to keep my face off the sidewalk that I slid across, but I do have a scar on my left hand which hit first and took the brunt of my weight. It was traumatic at 17.
2. This is from college, and it’s not one incident because it happened several times. Whenever I had a class in the “basement” of Main, I seemed to have a class following that one on the 1st floor of Main, requiring traversing up a flight of stairs. I don’t know what it was with that stairwell, but I have fallen up those stairs more times than I can count.
3. Speaking of stairs, when I was in England, I worked on the second floor. One day, I had gone downstairs for a soda and chips, and 4 steps from the top, I tripped. Soda can (unopened) and chip bag (also unopened) went flying into the room (an open bay separated by 5ft cubicle walls), and my upper body landed in a sort of incline push-up position as I was thinking “Please don’t anyone be sitting in that first desk.” As I look to my right, yeah, that was witnessed. They were nice enough to make sure I was ok before they laughed. Did I mention it’s a metal staircase and the fall was very loud?
4. Same stairs, different direction. Heading downstairs with a couple other co-workers, and halfway down, my feet went out from under me. I managed to grab both rails quick enough to catch myself, and pull my arms from my body. Ok, my arms didn’t pull loose, but they hurt bad enough from the save. They were not, however, strong enough to save my pride.
5. Happy birthday. For my daughter’s first birthday, we had photos made, and stopped to eat. We thought it would be cute to have the waitstaff to do the happy birthday thing for her, and it was cute. She looked at them like they were crazy, but we got a kick out of it. We also had a pact (I thought) to never do that to one another. So, fast forward several years…to England. A bunch of us from work decided to do one of the MWR trips to London one night. Just so happened that night was my birthday. I had been very careful not to mention that fact to anyone but the women, because I knew they would have my back. And they kept it quiet, but the hubster did mention it to one of the guys as we picked him and his wife up and dropped our heatherns off with theirs for babysitting. So, here we are sitting down for dinner in some restaurant in London, and the other 2 ladies and I had to go to the bathroom. Yes, we went in a pack. The 4 men kept the table. By desert time, I was leaning toward a certain one, but both our waitress, and a couple of the guys insisted on a different desert, and, well, I was probably pretty toasted by then anyway, and said “Ok, whatever.” Now, let me describe for you, if I can, the room. I’m sure it doubled as a club, and so you had a lower level, and an upper level that surrounded the lower on 3 sides. Being close to Christmas there were several obvious office parties seated at large tables on the lower section. We were seated on the upper level opposite the door against the railing overlooking the lower level. Best seats in the house. And it was happening before I really realized it. At first I didn’t notice that more than just our waitress were serving desert, but as it dawned on me what they were doing, it was waaaay too late to hide as they were making me stand up…as if on a stage…in front of dozens of total English strangers…totally entertained…while I was totally mortified by the waitstaff singing happy birthday to me. And the ring leader of that little bit of fun threatened to do it again later as we waited in another restaurant/bar unless I did tequila shots. Needless to say, I slept the whole way back to base.
6. Speaking of birthdays, about 4 years ago while home visiting my mom, we got up and went to church with her. Now this was the first time in nearly 20 years I had been to a full morning’s service there, and funny enough, it is still the same schedule as it was when I was going 20-something years ago. But anyway, there were a few little details I had forgotten, namely that following the morning devotional prior to being released to Sunday School, the church sings Happy Birthday and/or Happy Anniversary to anyone who has celebrated either in the last week. Did I mention this was my first time there in nearly 20 years? Yeah, so Mom elbowed me, and got the dirty look, which was like pouring gas on a flame. She had backup as my aunt and my cousin on the other side of her joined in and by this time all 3 of them are pointing at me. Yeah, they make you stand up there too. Yes, I was the only one…and mortified yet again.
7. Let me back up to junior high…7th grade. At the risk of being named a total dork, I was able (by the skin of my teeth) to compete in our county’s spelling bee. Same auditorium that I would fall down in front of 4 years later. haha So, I was waiting in the lobby with my parents before, and being bored out of my skull, I was checking every thing out I could while checking the parking lot for the other 2 girls from my school to get there. I walked over to the front doors, and had to get up close to the glass to see out as it was getting dark, and misjudged the distance between my face and the glass totally smacking my forehead hard, and being my head, loud. At least the glass didn’t shatter.
And lets wrap this up since I am getting redundant.
8. Yes, I saved the best for last. Back in the day, while we were dating, the hubster and I went parking. At the worst possible moment (or best depending on your perspective), there was the tapping on the side of the van followed by the voice of a deputy announcing his presence and ordering the driver to exit. He just happened to be notoriously hostile toward certain folks (which included my husband), and so he proceeded to search the vehicle. Thankfully, he spared me from having to come out from behind the curtain, but any cover was blown when his backup showed up…who graduated high school with the hubby, and had quite a nice chat catching up with the hubby while deputy #1 frustratingly found no drugs or alcohol. At least there was no citation and just a “Go find someplace else to park” warning. I still don’t think I can look deputy #2 in the eye without getting completely and totally embarrassed.