Archive for October 2011

“Why do we want what we know we can’t have…”

2 or 3 weeks ago the hubby came back from his doctor’s appointment, and first announced that his liver is fine (YaY!), but then said, “The doctor said to tell you to make an appointment with him asap.” Uh…ok? “You talked about me didn’t you?!” Well, of course he did. So, I made an appointment, had blood drawn last week, and follow up today. For not being a physical, this came close, and there was a LOT addressed.

1. His scales weigh a full 10 pounds heavier than mine. :wail:

2. My blood pressure was 110/80. That is the lowest my systolic (1st number) has been in YEARS. :party2:

3. All my blood work was fine. Specifically glucose is normal (I am “at risk” for diabetes – hereditary). Cholesterol is high, but not alarmingly high. We both knew that would be high, we both know why it’s high, we both know how it’s going to lower, and my good cholesterol is real good. Liver is good. Vitamin D is low, but I forget to take my vitamins. :dunno:

So with that all out of the way, we began to chat about my issues. I have a sinus infection. Which I knew, and that manifested itself after I made the appointments. He put me on antibiotics for 2 weeks to kill it off, and told me to take a probiotic along with it to replace the good bacteria in my digestive system that will be collateral damage. He also is putting me back on a nasal steroid since it seems my nasal polyp(s) is back. I’ll take the Flonase for 6 months or so and see if there is a reversal of the sinus issues. If not, he will refer me to an ENT for the polyp, which really means I will have to go to the VA since that is a “service-related” (and documented) problem. He gave me another prescription for albuterol (for asthma), and told me to try using a dose before I run to counter that whole wheezing thing my daughter says I do. Who knows, maybe that really is why I couldn’t ever distance run – asthma. :dunno:

We talked about weight next, but I’m going to go straight for the female issues first. I told him about the bouncing emotions from real low to real high and many points in between. We talked about my irregular periods, and he said “Since you are still having periods, it’s not menopause.” :sigh: But most of those issues will wait until the gyn appointment I have to make next which won’t be made until my next period which who knows if that will come in a week or a month. He isn’t concerned about overall hormone levels, but thinks that my ovaries might be out of sync. But it might also be part of the cycle of stress and diet. Worst case scenario will have me on birth control for a few months to get me back “regular.” :whatever:

Again, out of order, but I told him about how my hair is coming out, not in clumps, but certainly in large amounts when I wash it and brush it. He hadn’t checked thyroid, but would see if they still had my blood (they keep it at the lab for a week) to test that. I told him I have a cousin who has had thyroid issue (though I didn’t add that she said her hair was coming out in clumps), and that one of my AF doctors kept an eye on my thyroid because it ran to the low end of normal.

Ah, the weight. I told him about the exercise and that I have been really watching my portion control and eating less because I know I binge eat. I also told him I wasn’t looking to have had drastic weight loss over the past few weeks especially since I know muscle weighs more than fat, but even at that I should see a loss of fat somewhere. I thought I had lost some boob (that will be the first to go since it was the last I gained), but the girls seemed back to their “normal” size today. Finally I let him know that I had fully conceded that pasta was my biggest problem, and I know I have to completely cut it – at least for a while. Well, then he lowered the boom. It’s not just the pasta…it’s ALL the starches. :timeout: Wait, WHAT????? That’s not just pasta, that’s potatoes, and breads, and BREADS?? Biscuits? Cornbread?? You know what else that means? No GRAVY! :wail: Then he went in for the kill. Starches produce a good emotional feeling which is why I run to them for comfort…just like smoking. (I think James told him about my pipe.) The last couple of years have been pretty stressful between work issues and family issues. The stress causes me to seek out comfort, which I do in food, and starches are my quick fixes since I don’t smoke cigarettes anymore. I’ve been treating food like a drug…getting “high” off of mac & cheese. (That last sentence was me finally fully digesting the issue.)

So then he tied everything in together. The emotional bouncing, the weight, the irregular periods might all be a product of starchy, fried food diet. “Are you will to try a radical diet?” He asked me that and I was pretty sure didn’t mean this Radical, and then thought, “I’m going to have to eat like Petra.” Not to imply that is a bad thing. I had already been considering it. Thankfully, I love fruits and vegetables. I also love bacon, but he told me only lean meats, and not fried. Yeah, fried is may favorite food group. Starches are second. :cheesy: So that leaves me with tuna and turkey. I really am not too fond of the lean cuts of beef. I can have pork chops as long as I cut off the fat and grill ’em.

All I gotta do is stop loving starches more than I hate being fat. I’m sure gonna miss my mac & cheese…. :sigh:

Didn’t see that coming…

I don’t even know where to start. Suffice it to say, I am not aging gracefully. I didn’t really handle it so well when my hair starting graying. It took burning my scalp with dye (the same dye I had been using for a year) before I decided I was ok with going gray. Ok, that’s partially a lie. I am NOT ok with going gray. I just find it preferable to a blistered scalp. And, yes, I can look in the mirror right now and know that soon I will be waking up to being VERY noticeably gray as opposed to having to be close to my head to see it. But anyway…


I remember several years ago sitting at home watching Home Improvement with my mom. I don’t think she normally watched it with me, but she was there with me when I saw the episode where Jill had to have a hysterectomy. Jill didn’t handle it well at all, and I remember my mom turning to me and saying, “I had NO problem with mine.” I am pretty sure I said something to the effect that I would be ok without my uterus, too, because I hate having periods. I never looked forward to periods, still hate them, and still look forward to not having them. I have been ready for a hysterectomy since my youngest was a year old. But, alas, they don’t do hysterectomies if there is nothing wrong with you. Ok, I could probably find a doctor that would do it, but that’s the kind of doctor who would also give me the painkillers that I want despite the fact I don’t need them.

Since the hubster and I were DONE with having kids after our youngest was born, and I had all kinds of issues remembering to take the pill, he opted for a vascectomy…which I got to watch. lol Before he got started, the surgeon asked us both one last time if we were absolutely sure we didn’t want any more kids because his work is NOT reversible. We both assured him we were through, and, yeah, I saw what he cut out, and I saw the cauterizing of the ends. That isn’t growing back short of supernatural intervention. Hmm, maybe I should have added a “MALE STUFF” alert too? So 3-4 years ago, I started having hot flashes. Excited I was at what I saw as the beginning of the end of periods. Of course, in the last 3 years, my cycles have gotten more frequent, and I have had PMS though I NEVER had ANY PMS symptoms before. My moods swing like I’m bi-polar, and word has it, it is going to get worse and could last another 10 years or more. Remember how I said my cycles are more frequent? They last longer too. :mad:

So, needless to say, I was totally unprepared for wanting to have another baby. :eek: I had been able to say “That ship has sailed,” and was quite ok with it. But out of the blue yesterday, all I could see was babies. EVERYWHERE. Friends with babies, friends pregnant, friends with grandbabies (and no, I am not ready for grandbabies when I still have teenagers). I totally didn’t see this coming…

So what’s the problem? We could adopt, right? Well, yes. However, hubby doesn’t want another kid, and I will NOT try to convince him otherwise. So I have to be still, and trust that God will grant me contentment in this area one way or another. He could heal the little tubes. He could change the hubby’s heart to want another one too and provide a child to adopt. Or He could have me just wait until the kids are grown and married (hopefully in that order), and give me a bunch of grandbabies.

Or I could just be happy that I have something to blog about. :rofl2: