Facing a fear

Back when I was in the Air Force, in Combat Comm, I had an attitude. Actually, I had several, but the one I am speaking of pertained to the prospect of facing the enemy. I tried to keep the attitude that I would never ever cower to whatever enemy I had the potential to be captured by. In fact, my attitude in readiness school was “Better to be dead than captured.” I didn’t, and still don’t fear death, per se. I don’t wish to die, but I am prepared. That has helped me tremendously with panic attacks, because I know if I am really dying, I won’t be terrified.

Prior to that, I have always had the apocalyptic account of the end times in the back of my mind, along with the “What if the rapture isn’t pre-tribulation?” My dad believed it to be mid-tribulation. I’ve read Revelation several times, and I can see either way. Now while I was pretty much taught mid, I was also taught to be prepared to go through the whole 7 years. So I have always tried to keep myself prepared to face all that comes with and end-tribulation rapture. Do not deny God. Do not deny Jesus. I know it would be difficult, but I don’t completely fear it. I know I have help in God if or when I am put in that kind of situation.

Matthew 10:28 (New American Standard Bible)

28″Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

But what about friends?

That put much more fear in me than any enemy. I feared possible ridicule more than death. I feared the accusations of hypocrisy. I feared not being able to stand up and profess my faith without shame. But really, why fear any of that? I’ve been ridiculed before, and it didn’t kill me. I had a couple of events in my life as a teen that were waaaayyyy worse than anything I could imagine my friends and co-workers might say to me. And what would it matter anyway?

Matthew 10:32-33 (New American Standard Bible)

32″Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven.

33″But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven.

Well, today, I put my fear to the test, and my faith. See, I have prayed that I would have courage, but yet kept keeping my faith mostly hidden. How can I ask for courage and then avoid a situation that would require it? Well, I wanted to go over notes from a class I attended at church yesterday. With that also came reading through Luke 15 and 16. So, I took my notes and my study bible to work, and opened them up during lunch. One of the guys walked by and asked me what I was studying. So I told him, along with half the office. And before lunch was over, we all had quite a nice little theological discussion. Now I feel relieved that they know that I am trying to change how I act. I don’t want them to change how they act and talk because of me, and I tried to convey that to them, however. They aren’t my problem. I am my problem.

I learned over the weekend that I am not alone in my fear. Amazing what I learn when I listen. 😉 The more I study, the more I realize how little I know, and the more I want to study and learn. Not so I can boast in knowledge, but that I can walk the right path, and not be a stumbling block to anyone.

12 Responses to 'Facing a fear'

  1. teeni says:

    I have those fears of being ridiculed still. It’s tough being a human, wanting to fit in, but also wanting to stand up for what you believe in. This is true especially if most of those around you on a regular basis don’t have the same beliefs. But I guess you have faced more fear in your time in the service than I have in my entire life. I admire you for that.

    • DragonLady says:

      I thank you, but I think you probably have faced a greater fear, given my little biopsy brush 3 years ago. Part of my lack of fear in the military (which doesn’t mean absence of fear) stemmed from knowing full well that no matter what branch, and what career field, I faced the possibility of war. But once I became a mom, I wasn’t quite so ready as before. And there you have one of the MANY reasons I got out. 🙂

  2. Danny Poole says:

    You? Attitude? Really? Never noticed a thing…. :rofl2:

    FYI..you were one of the few I trusted to always do the right thing regardless of consequences. I knew I could trust you to have my back in a bad situation.

    Attitude?? Huh…..

    • DragonLady says:

      LOL, yeah, knowing you would read this, I figured I should clarify which attitude. :cheesy:

      FYI, the feeling was mutual. Do you remember when we had the “real world” bomb threat? Dan, E’Dana, and I were in the 39 van going over startup during our class exercise time. As soon as the announcement came across, I remember you busting out of the upstairs yelling “EEPS” as I automatically began zeroizing all the crypto that I had just finished loading. As soon as I hit the last one to zeroize, you and an airman whose name is long gone were there at that door. You pointed to me and E’Dana (we were both pregnant) and said “You and you, get out!” Which we promptly did. LOL You know as well as I do, there was an office full of staffs and techs who wouldn’t have sent us out like you did.

      And I knew you trusted me a great deal when you put me in charge of that Combat Challenge mess after you got “fired” from it. You seemed so happy to be fired too. LOL :salute:

      • Danny Poole says:

        I don’t remember a bomb threat. Sure it was me and not Eams?

        I remember Challenge, tho….

        “if you’ve never been fired, you’re not pushing the envelope enough…” :rocker:

        • DragonLady says:

          The “bomb” was something on some guy’s truck that the dogs alerted on. I don’t remember exactly what it was. I don’t know how long we all sat in the “evacuation” point over in one of the 33rd’s maintenance bays before they determined that the pickup wasn’t carrying a bomb.

          I have a Molesworth bomb threat story too. I’ll search through the archives in the old blog and see if I’ve told that one before. LOL

        • DragonLady says:

          Yep, I told it before. LOL What a crappy Monday

  3. Several times I have been close to death and perhaps because of that have no real fear about it. It will happen when it happens. My observations and experiences suggest you cannot really influence what people think. Which works well with my ‘attitude’ that I am not concerned about what people think. Two of my own characteristics or attributes that may explain some results in my life.

    I enjoy situations as you describe where you were studying matters related to your faith in view of others. The opportunity to engage others’ reactions and perhaps have an exchange or cause them to think is typically worthwhile.

    Is it just me or are you raising questions about yourself, doing some introspection and coming away with a piece by piece resolution?

    • DragonLady says:

      Yeah, and it helps knowing that others are dealing with the same doubts and fears as I am. I mean, I know it, but hearing it and sharing it helps.

      I hadn’t really thought about it in that way, but yes, I guess I am confronting some things and working on resolution. There is still much left so maybe I can actually keep coming up with posts. LOL

      • If we are to pursue our better angels and in that pursuit make ourselves better humans, that quest never ends. I do not suggest ignoring it but embracing it.

        More posts are good. 🙂 And BTW, take a break from time to time to renew and refresh. Fatigue does not improve one’s path to success. Although we all know it is unavoidable sometimes.

  4. Cathy says:

    DL – I need to speak with you.