THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

OPEC sells oil for $136.00 a barrel.

OPEC nations buy U.S. grain at $7.00 a bushel.

Solution: Sell grain for $136.00 a bushel.

Can’t buy it? Tough! Eat your oil! Ought to go well with a nice thick grilled fillet of camel ass!!!

from my inbox

It has long been contended that there are male jokes and there are female jokes, and there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke. I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it.

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will)

Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, ‘I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00……on one condition.’

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, ‘You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.’

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said….

‘Clean my house.’

Women are not stupid.

from my inbox

I did not realize Mount Airy was that far away. Of course the trip took a bit longer because we stopped in Siler City for lunch, at lunch, and McDonald’s was covered up. The kids didn’t enjoy “Mayberry” like the rest of us since they haven’t watched The Andy Griffith show.

Click on the photo to go to Flickr and see all the photos.

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…chemical burns suck.

A chemical burn that is a result of your vanity REALLY sucks.

Not really a point to that song other than nostalgia.

So, when I walk out the door this afternoon leaving work, I am officially on vacation. I’m hoping for a nice quiet day. I actually woke up with some rare Friday motivation, but I can’t start anything since I will be gone all next week on vacation, and then will be in class for a week when I get back. So, I see a documentation day.

I plan on taking a trip up to Mount Airy this weekend. I think Mom will enjoy a visit to Mayberry.

Y’all have a great weekend!

The C-5 pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the G.I.s the usual information regarding seat belts,parachutes, etc. Finally, she said, “Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan .”

An old M/Sgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, “Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?”

When the attendant came by he said “Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman ?”

“Yes,” said the Attendant, “In fact, this entire crew is female.”

“My God,” he said, “I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don’t know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.”

“That’s another thing Sarge,” said the attendant, “We no longer call it the cockpit.”

“It’s The Box Office.”

from my inbox

…when you receive the following in an email:

Morrilton, AR
You might be a redneck ……..

If you go to the drive through at the tobacco store on a riding lawn mower, pulling your mother in a cart, while she sits in a rocking chair wearing a night gown.

I would not have believed this if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. I took this picture Friday evening at the Tobacco Corner store here in downtown Morrilton.*

Followed by this photo:

You cannot imagine the pride I now have in my hometown. Expect a follow-up to this within a couple of weeks.

*I got the email at least 3rd hand and removed the person’s name who claimed to have taken the photo in an attempt to protect the guilty.

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If you think you’d be interested in joining the OTA, click on the above logo and find out how! There are other Alliance members holding open trackback posts today, you can find them listed on the blogroll as well. Please do NOT link “I’m having an open trackback party” posts. They are not interesting for other readers and are set to auto detonate.

If your trackback does not show up right away, you may be in the spam hole. You will be released within a hour or two, unless you are really a spammer, or I hit “remove” instead of “restore.”

Happy Birthday to my mom today! We took her out tonight for fish. If I didn’t have such an aversion for vomiting, I would purge, because I ate waaaaaay too much.

This has to be the most mentally exhausting work week I have spent in ages. Trying to learn a new system, which I’ve had to do before, but this one is significantly different. All the others have been on single servers or a operational server and a backup. This one suite resides on 32 servers. OMG! I only poked around on 2 of the blades this week. Actually I messed with 3 because I had to reboot one blade. Oh, and amid all of this I am working on developing monitoring software for this suite I barely know.

I’m been farting around Facebook a lot lately looking up old classmates and friends that I haven’t seen in ages. I feel bad because I will see familiar names, but don’t really remember anything about some of the folks I went to school with. I’ve been flipping through my old yearbooks like you wouldn’t believe! Hence the inspiration for the video.

Oh, I have to tell about this dream I had the other morning. In the dream I went back to one of the churches I went to as a kid. It was present day and I immediately ran into a woman that was just a little older than I am. I went all through the parking lot chatting with folks that I haven’t seen since I was about 15. Still hadn’t realized that I was dreaming even though just about everyone there are folks who no longer go there. Anyway, I stopped and was chatting with a girl who knew me but I couldn’t place her. She wouldn’t tell me either, and I looked at her and her sister and her mom, and it hit me. They are black. I thought, “Oh, cool. There are black people attending now.” I remember that was a potential issue when we went there and would have probably caused a split. But, anyway, by this time the pastor was there making the rounds, and when he shook my hand, he held my hand a bit longer than was comfortable or appropriate. When he finally released my hand and walked away, I realized who he was. Captain James Tiberius Kirk. Young Kirk from the 60’s and in uniform. LOL I laughed so hard over that I woke myself up.

Y’all have a great weekend!